How to Create a Positive Impression

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Relationships matter in business and in life. They affect our success and happiness. So it’s worth considering the impression we make, and consciously working on improving this. The following thoughts might be useful here:

1. Smile: People who smile are viewed as being warmer and friendlier individuals.

2. Be easy to impress, or to make laugh and smile: Others also worry about how people see them. If they think that they’re succeeding, then they’ll like you even more.

3. Show interest and liking through your use of body language: Face and look them in the eye when you’re talking to them, and show them you are friendly through your open body stance (uncrossed arms and legs etc.)

4. Remember the power of transfer traits: Basically, that means that if you say nice things about other people, they assume you’ll say nice things about them, too … Or if you criticise others, then they assume you’ll criticise them, too.

5. Poke fun at yourself: It makes you seem more relaxed and approachable.

6. Remember the power of emotional contagion: That means that others tend to pick up the emotions we project. So, if you seem laid back, warm, happy and calm then those you are with will start to feel the same way, too.

7. Remember the name and a few basic facts about the person you are talking to: Such as their job, college major, favourite hobby, favourite food, places they have been to or awards they have received.

Quote of the Day

Don’t allow the scoffers and naysayers to undermine your goals and your self-belief. Decide what you want to achieve in life – then work to make it a reality.

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12 Things Happy People do Differently

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Happy people value and choose:

1. Love over Fear: People, who are truly happy, are less fearful and more loving. They perceive every moment, every challenge, and every person as an opportunity to learn more about themselves and the world.

2. Acceptance over Resistance: Happy people know you can’t really change things by denying and resisting them. So when bad things happen, they don’t get angry and complain. Instead, they ask themselves questions like: What can I learn from this? How can I do make this better?

3. Forgiveness over Unforgiveness: Truly happy individuals understand that it’s destructive to hold on to feelings of anger. Instead, they choose to forgive and let go, understanding that (in the end) forgiveness is a gift they give themselves.

4. Trust over Mistrust: They trust themselves … and they have learned to figure out who is trustworthy – and also those they should avoid.

5. Meaning over Ambition: Happy people do the things they do because it adds meaning and purpose to their lives. They’re not driven by the need to gain acceptance, praise and approval from others.

6. Challenges over Obstacles: Happy people see problems as challenges, and as opportunities to explore new ways of seeing and doing things. That is, challenges are something that help them grow.

7. Selflessness over Selfishness: Happy people seek out ways ways to give to others – of themselves, their time, their gifts, and their money. That is, they’re not self-focused and self-absorbed.

8. Kindness over Harshness: Happy people are gentle and kind with themselves and others. They know the importance and power of self-love, self-forgiveness and self-acceptance – and they freely love, forgive and accept other people.

9. Gratitude over Ingratitude: No matter where they are, or who they are with, happy people have the capacity to see beauty where others would only see ugliness – and they’re quick to express their gratitude.

10. Being Present over Being Disengaged: Happy people know how to live in the moment, appreciating what they have and who they are with. They are not constantly being dragged down by the past, or distracted by what could go wrong in the future.

11. Positivity over Negativity: Regardless of the circumstances of life, happy people are able to adopt and maintain a positive attitude.

12. Taking Responsibility over Blaming: Happy people assume full ownership for their lives. They assume responsibility for their choices, decisions, actions, reactions, beliefs and attitudes.

The last six years or so have been a ride. I thought alcohol rehab in 2014 would be the end of it. I thought the same for sex/porn addiction rehab in 2015 or jail in 2016. Then there was my first book and launching this website. Initially designed as just a promotional tool, I had […]

via If You’ve Ever Wanted to Help My Cause, This is It — RecoveringPornAddict.com

If You’ve Ever Wanted to Help My Cause, This is It — RecoveringPornAddict.com

Some Basic Friendship Skills

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Knowing how to socialize, and fit into the group, or be the kind of friend people want to be around, is something we can learn, and perfect, over time. These skills are not innate. They are something we acquire. And they’re easy to pick if we’ll just apply ourselves.

Dos

1. Talk about things that interest others, and not just things that interest you.

2. Share the conversation. Don’t talk over others, interrupt others, or seek to be the centre of attention.

3. Be interested in what other people have to say. Ask open questions, and try to find out more.

4. Notice when people do well, and make the effort to praise them for it. Try to be an affirming, and encouraging, friend.

5. Be respectful, considerate and polite. Be sensitive to the feelings of others.

6. Think before you speak. (Sometimes it’s better to say nothing than to speak your mind, or to hurt, upset or offend the other person.)

7. Learn how to ask for what you want and need in a non-threatening, and non-defensive way. Don’t react; and don’t pick needless arguments.

8. Try to understand the perspective of others. Don’t just assume you are right and they are wrong.

9. Look out for others – and be a trusted friend.

10. Back off, don’t dominate, and give your friends some space.

Don’ts

1. Don’t brag about what you’ve done or what you’ve got.

2. Don’t put others down.

3. Don’t judge and stereotype people.

4. Don’t take over the conversation. Let others tell their jokes, and have their say.

5. Don’t try to control other people, or to make them do what you want them to do.

6. Don’t talk, or gossip, about others.

7. Don’t make jokes at others’ expense.

8. Don’t demand perfection – allow your friends to be human, and to sometimes make mistakes.

9. Don’t be sensitive and quick to take offense.

10. Don’t be mean or stab others in the back.

Phrases to Remove from your Life

We put such pressure on ourselves to be perfect all the time. Yet we know that this is stupid and impractical.

Then we short-circuit our dreams and assume we’re going to fail – even though mistakes are normal, and success takes time and work.

But how to break this pattern? It’s a part of who we are. It seems to happen without effort, and is not intentional.

The first thing we can do is pay attention to our speech, and to change the way we talk to ourselves in our mind.

So try to notice when you start to uses the phrases listed here, and then replace them with a statement that is more appropriate.

That is, a statement that is balanced, and more reasonable.

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How to Get Over Past Mistakes

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Everyone experiences failure and regret. But we can’t allow that to dominate our lives. So put the past behind you, and decide to move on. Here are some tips that can help with this.

1. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, does things wrongs, and has moments of regret. There are no perfect people out there in the world. In that sense, you are just the same as everybody else.

2. Remind yourself that “that was then, and this is now”. You can’t turn back the clocks and change what you did, but you can be a different person in the future.

3. Allow yourself to experience and name the feelings you are struggling with (regret, guilt, shame, disappointment, embarrassment, sadness, etc.) Then make the decision to let those feelings go. In the end, it’s unhealthy to be attached to them.

4. Ask yourself what you can learn from the situation. What would you do differently if you found yourself in that situation again? How can it change the person you are now?

5. Recognise that failings and mistakes are part of the growth process. It’s inevitable that you’ll encounter obstacles, challenges and failures in life. Don’t let that stop you from really living life.

6. Remind yourself that “it was what you did, it’s not who you are.” Don’t allow any event or experience to define you. You are so more than the things you did. Don’t let that become your identity.

7. Give yourself the gift of a new day and a new start. Forgive yourself, let go of the past, try to put it behind you, and move on with your life.