Quote of the Day

sunset

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times.
But that is not for them to decide.
All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Signs that it’s Time to Walk Away from a Relationship

your biggest commitment

The following signs might indicate it is time to walk away from a relationship:

1. Dishonesty: He or she repeatedly lies to you about where they were, what they were doing, who they were with etc.

2. Lack of support for you: He or she is always looking for support from you but gives very little back in return. You are the one who makes the most if the effort, and does the most of the work in the relationship.

3. Cheating: Any affair is a cause to question your relationship. Repeated affairs should be a deal breaker.

4. Condescension: If your partner frequently acts superior, condescendingly or rudely toward you … or criticises and puts you down in front of others … or deliberately tries to make you feel worthless and inadequate … then this is a toxic relationship. It’s time to say goodbye and walk away.

5. Volatile mood swings. Don’t hang around with someone who can suddenly turn nasty, or who likes to rant, rave and dump their feelings on you. While everyone is subject to some mood swings at times, don’t spend time with people whose emotions dominate.

6. Violence: Any violent relationship is a destructive and dangerous relationship. Love and violence should never co-exist.

7. The feelings have changed. Sometimes we just notice that we’ve changed and grown apart – and we don’t feel as if we love that person anymore. If romance has past its due-date, and we don’t have much in common, then it’s time to do the right things by you both, and walk away.

10 Things that can Wreck your Life

Live in the possibilty. Not in the past.

1. Not living in the moment. Always wishing you were somewhere else, doing something different with other people.

2. Blaming all your problems on your past. Although the past affects us, it need not define us. We can choose, decide and act – and take control of our lives. Don’t let your past determine who you become.

3. Running away from problems. It’s pointless to bury your head in the sand and pretend that things are fine when you’re dealing with a problem. Face reality, take action, and work to turn things round.

4. Being ungrateful. Being thankful sets you free in your heart and mind. It inspires all that’s good and it oils relationships. But an ungrateful person will wear other poeple down. It destroys your spirit, and it saps your energy.

5. Being angry and bitter. Refusing to forgive and bearing grudges against others will slowly poison our personality. It’s much better to release them and to focus, instead, on living a happy and fulfilling life.

6. Letting your expectations rule your life. Life rarely goes smoothly and according to our plan – and people disappoint us and always let us down. Accepting this is normal takes some tension out of life.

7. Disrespecting yourself and others. Every single person deserves to be respected. And every single person is fighting their own battle. So focus on being kind and encouraging.

8. Neglecting important relationship. A relationship that’s built on unconditional love – where a person accepts us for who and what we are – is truly a gift and is worth fighting for. Don’t take it for granted – recognise that it’s a gift.

9. Loving people who are bad for us. Not every person will build into your life. Be aware of those who’ll use you, or who want to bring you down, or who want to hurt you, or destroy your confidence.

10. Never taking risks. If you always play it safe, you will end up going nowhere. You must be willing to take risks or you will miss so much in life.

How to Break a Habit

it all begins and ends in the mind

1. Make up your mind to do things differently. Make the decision to turn this thing around. You have all the power you need, and you can make this work for you.

2. Decide to only work on one habit at a time. That focuses your mind, and your will to succeed.

3. Design a plan that is attractive and rewarding. If the pain exceeds the gain then you may not persevere. There must be something that’s enticing to make it seem worthwhile.

4. Nuke your negative thinking. You know that things will be tough and you’ll be tempted to give up – but plan in advance so you can push through trying times. For example, imagine how you’ll feel when you are living differently, and you’ve broken with the habit, and are basking in success.

5. Know the worst times of day, and the times you struggle most. Then come up with a plan so you cope better with those. But … make sure your ideas work, and are attractive enough, as it’s hard to keep on going when we’re low on energy.

6. Keep it simple. A harsh or complex plan can be too hard to implement. But making simple changes feels much more doable. (Also, remind yourself “it’s easy – and it’s not that hard to do.”)

7. Notice your successes. And reward yourself with that. Your effort’s paying off – and you’re closer to your goal.

7 Self-Compassion Stress Relievers

go easy on yourself

1. Start the morning with a time of silence so that you feel calm, and are grounded for the day.

2. Set good intentions for yourself. Make sure your automatic thoughts are positive and healthy.

3. Focus on your breathing to relieve anxiety, and create a sense of being strong and in control.

4. Stretch to release any tightness or tension – so you don’t keep carrying the stresses of the day.

5. Set small, realistic and manageable tasks so you don’t start to panic, and feel overwhelmed.

6. Keep your focus on right now – don’t worry about later. Judt do you best to live this moment fruitfully.

7. Before you go to bed, think of 3 things that went right – and end the day with gratitude – then rest, and get some sleep.

7 Daily Reminders

you change the world

Some essentials to remember:

1. My self worth does not depend on what others think and say about me.

2. My self worth does not depend on how I look or what I weigh.

3. My self worth does not depend on my marks or my performance.

4. My self worth does not depend on my number of followers.

5. I am enough just as I am.

6. I can succeed despite a bad day.

7. I am beautiful and valuable – and will treat myself with kindness and respect.

The Truth About Life …

a beautiful day begins

1. Things never, ever go according to plan

2. You’ll always meet with unexpected snags and obstacles

3. Not everyone will like you, or want to be your friend

4. We all lose motivation and want to ditch our dreams

5. Success is transitory; the happiness will pass

6. We all get disappointed and let down by our friends

7. Attitude is everything – we choose how to react

8. There’s always something good, if we will only look for it

9. There are those who “play it forward”, and who’re helpful, warm and kind

10. And life is full of chances, new beginnings and fresh starts.

Quick Time Management Tips

push yourself 2

  1. Be aware of any lurking deadlines.
  2. Carefully plan out each segment of your day.
  3. Define and limit the time for each task.
  4. Set reminders.
  5. Plan to be early, not just on time.
  6. Allow yourself some margin in your day.
  7. Prioritize
  8. Say “no” to distractions.
  9. Ignore unimportant details.
  10. Concentrate and focus fully on each task.

How to Cope with Emotional Abuse

healing doesn't mean the damage

1. First, recognize when you are in a controlling, manipulative, disrespectful or punitive relationship. Usually, the person will be highly critical of you and their comments will have emotional undertones. There is usually also a threat of rejection or abandonment.

2. If you can, walk away from the relationship. It’s unhealthy to be caught up in emotional games where you are the pawn, and you feel trapped and abused.

3. Establish boundaries. For example, don’t allow the person to engage you in critical conversations and emotional put downs. Walk away from any outbursts and emotional displays.

4. Agree to what you will, and will not, accept in the relationship. State these in clear and explicit terms.

5. Put your needs and values before the other person’s needs and values (as they will be unlikely to respect these in you first.)

6. Make sure that “no” means “no” … and don’t accept small compromises.

7. Don’t allow yourself to get drawn into any arguments. It will likely go downhill, and you will end up feeling bad.

8. Surround yourself with people who see your gifts and strengths – and remind yourself their viewpoint reflects reality!

Tips for When you Feel Angry

dear past

It’s important that we learn to manage angry feelings so we stay in control, regardless of our feelings. Here are some suggestions to help you with this:

1. Stifle your first impulse to react to situations by saying or doing something negative. Instead … Stop – and either do the opposite to that – or simply respond by doing nothing at all.

2. If you can, remove yourself from the situation. Detach temporarily and choose to walk away. You can talk about what happened, or the issue, later on.

3. Speak gently to yourself; try to calm yourself down. For example, you could tell yourself “Just chill”, or “we’ll come back to this later”.

4. If you feel as if the person has really pressed your buttons, make yourself count to ten before you think about responding. Also, focus your attention on slowing down your breathing, and doing what you can to make your body relax.

5. To help with this, distract yourself by visualizing something that’s relaxing. For example, it could be a peaceful scene like the mountains or a lake, or it could be something funny that has happened recently.

6. Remind yourself it’s crucial that you act rationally. You’re responsible for anything you say and do. Don’t be controlled by your emotions. Don’t end up with regrets.