“What worries you controls you.” – Unknown Some of those worries are legitimate fears, and it’s important to take them seriously. Other worries are more vague, or they’re less likely to occur. And yet we ruminate, and turn them over in our minds. So what can you do when worries grip and torture us? 1. […]Dealing with our Worries, Anxieties, and Fears — Don’t Lose Hope
“The mind replays what the heart can’t delete.” There are secret traumas that are hard to share, and because we can’t share them, we don’t get support, and we end up carrying the burden alone. This intensifies the sense of isolation. Secret traumas like incest, sexual abuse, being married to a person with a sexual […]When Secrets are Weighing you Down … — Don’t Lose Hope
“A person’s actions will tell you everything you need to know. Pay attention.”
10 relationship killers include:
1. Breaking trust
2. Lack of respect
4. Angry outburst/ high volatility
5. Making assumptions
6. Unreasonable expectations
9. Being cold and uncaring
10. Failing to prioritize your partner.
Self -awareness is having an accurate picture of how you tend to think, feel, act and react. It’s knowing what your strengths and weaknesses are, and knowing exactly what you want from your life. Also, it’s assessing how well you relate and interact with people you encounter in your daily life. This is crucial if you want to succeed.
The questions below can help to deepen your self-understanding and self-awareness.
1. Would you rate yourself as happy or unhappy? What has the greatest impact on your happiness?
2. Are there any areas of your life where you feel you are out of control?
3. Do you prefer a tidy, organised environment or a chaotic, disorganised environment?
4. Are you more attracted to something if you know it is forbidden?
5. Are you motivated, or demotivated, by competition?
6. Are you a leader or a follower?
7. Do you find it easier to do things for others than to do things or yourself?
8. Do you have clear boundaries or do people walk all over you?
9. Are you a morning or a night person?
10. Does being around people energise you or wear you out?
11. Do you prefer to be in the spotlight or the background?
12. If you could change one thing in your life, what would that one thing be?
“If I am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?“ – Maya Angelou This is a good, and a thought-provoking, question! I wonder how good we really are to ourselves. Here are some journal prompts to help you think this through … 1. Without thinking too deeply […]Who do I Think I Am? — Don’t Lose Hope
1. Give up your need to always be right.
2. Give up your need for control.
3. Give up blame.
4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk, and your limiting beliefs.
5. Give up complaining.
6. Give up your need to impress others.
7. Give up your resistance to change.
8. Give up your fears.
9. Give up your excuses.
10. Give up on living your life to fit other peoples’ expectations.
1. Take some time out to recuperate. You can’t keep going if you’re running on empty.
2. Take a step back to try and gain perspective – as sometimes we can’t see the woods for the trees.
3. Attempt to take stock of the current situation. Evaluate what you really want and need.
4. Try to re-evaluate your current strategy. What things are working and what things should you change?
5. Don’t be afraid to change direction if you need to. Sometimes that is the best thing – and it opens up new options.
6. Push through the dip – as we all lose momentum. But if you keep on going, you will get there in the end.
“Finding yourself is really the process of returning to yourself. It’s a process of unlearning, an excavation, the process of remembering who you really were before this world got its hands on you.” The following four steps for breaking free from unhealthy, self-destructive beliefs was first suggested by Jeffrey M. Schwatrz, in his book […]Breaking Free from Unhealthy, False Beliefs — Don’t Lose Hope
1. Allow and accept the different feelings you experience – knowing these will change throughout the day.
2. Don’t judge yourself for having negative feelings.
3. Don’t believe every thought that pops into your head. Some of these are true, but many will be false.
4. Slow down and take life at a manageable pace.
5. Stay in the present; do one thing at a time.
6. Let go of the need to control everything.
7. Practise being curious; notice little things.
8. Use your 5 senses to become more aware of what is happening all around you in the world.
9. Nourish and take care of your body and mind.
10. Practice contentment and gratitude.
It can be hard to say ‘no’ and to do your own thing. We expect disapproval or rejection by our friends. So how do you say ‘no’ in a respectful way when you can’t, or you don’t want to, say ‘yes’ to them?
1. Listen with respect to what the person has to say. Don’t interrupt; it’s just a question at this stage.
2. Simply say ‘no’ in a calm and an even voice. Don’t sound like you’re upset, or start to whine or raise your voice. Just simply say ‘no’ in a calm, confident way.
3. Transfer the reason and the blame to something else. For example, say something like, ‘I’m really sorry but my calendar is full’. This focuses annoyance on your calendar – not you.
4. Don’t react or be confrontational. They can ask what they want, and have the right to make requests – and you have the right to accept or decline. Say: I’d love to say yes, but … (and then turn them down)’. This will help to build a bridge, and conveys empathy.
5. Don’t feel you have to give an explanation when you answer. You don’t have to give a reason or explain yourself to others. You can simply decline, and then politely change the subject.
6. If you want to give a reason then keep it short and simple. Don’t justify yourself or start to argue your case. True friends accept your answer and respect your boundaries.
7. Stand firm in your decision. If the person starts to pressure you, just tell them you’ve decided, and nothing they can say is going to make you change your mind.