Building Trust in Relationships

Trust is at the heart of all strong relationships. It allows us to feel safe and secure with one another. Hence, it’s crucial that we know what the key components are so we can actively develop and cultivate trust. Some tips to help you here include the following:

1. Be Reliable. Even small things – like canceling an arrangement or failing to follow through on a commitment you have made – can undermine and fracture the relationship. If this happens on a regular basis the whole foundation will crumble and fall.

2. Related to this, always strive to keep the promises you’ve made. Trust requires that people believe you are a person who’s dependable and reliable. If you have to break a promise, then explain face-to-face why you have to let the person down.

3. Tell the truth. It’s easy to resort to telling a white lie to protect another person, or to cover your back. But if you tell the truth even when it isn’t pleasant, you will become a person who is known for being honest and trustworthy.

4. Volunteer information. When you have the chance to be vague – don’t take it. Instead be open and transparent, and share important details with the person. Volunteering information says you’ve nothing to hide.

5. Don’t share other peoples’ secrets. We only feel we’re safe with a person who’s discreet. Remember: a confidence is a confidence is a confidence.

6. Display loyalty, and be there for that person. This communicates you’re caring and a genuine friend.

10 Relationship Killers

It can be relatively easy to fall in love … but building a healthy relationship requires attention and a lot of hard work.

And we may not be aware of how the following can affect and may, eventually, destroy a good relationship:

1. Breaking trust – Trust is the foundation of relationships. Once it is destroyed it is hard to rebuild.

2. Lack of respect – We all deserve respect; and when it’s lost it undermines even the strongest of relationships.

3. Jealousy – Is it reasonable?  Or, maybe you have betrayed, rejected or abandoned in a past relationship? This might be an area where healing is required.

4. Angry outburst/ high volatility – We’re all responsible for the way we express our emotions. Emotions in themselves are neither good nor bad. However, being highly reactive often strains relationships.

5. Making assumptions – We don’t know what goes on inside another person’s head. Ask for information; don’t assume you’ve read their mind.

6. Unreasonable expectations – What feels quite reasonable to us can feel unreasonable to others. Discuss your expectations, and be willing to adapt.

7. Bitterness – Eventually, this poisons and destroys relationships.

8. Unforgiveness – We need to talk about the hurt our partner may have caused, and work through any areas where we have grievances. Otherwise, unforgiveness will turn to bitterness.

9. Being cold and uncaring – We all want to feel loved, wanted, cared for, understood, as if our feelings matter, and we’re not alone in life. Being detached and unconcerned communicates that we don’t care.

10. Failing to prioritize your partner – If we feel we’re not important we won’t want to be with you. You can’t take love for granted. You must demonstrate you care.

Relationship Check Up

Signs of a Healthy Relationship

A healthy relationship means that both members of the couple are…

1. Communicating with each other: Talking about problems without screaming and shouting; listening to each other, and respecting their viewpoint; being willing to adapt, and to sometimes change their mind.

2. Showing respect for one another: Valuing the other person’s culture, beliefs, viewpoints, opinions and boundaries. Also, treating each other in a kind and caring way.

3. Demonstrating and conveying trust: Each person is trustworthy and trusts the other person – because they have been shown that they are worthy of that trust.

4. Honest with each other: Both are open and honest – but are private as well; and they don’t demand the other person tells them everything.

5. Equals: They make joint decisions and treat each other well. No person calls the shots, or determines all the rules.

6. Able to enjoy their own personal space: As well as spending time together, they spend time on their own. They respect the fact they’re different, and they need their own life, too.

7. Decisions about sex are discussed, and are consensual: They discuss sex together, including birth control. There’s no one individual sets the rules and standards here.

Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

An unhealthy relationship develops where one, or both, of the partners is…

1. Failing to communicate: Problems are ignored, or not talked about at all. One or both don’t really listen, and they rarely compromise.

2. Acting in ways that are disrespectful: One or both are inconsiderate toward the other person; and they don’t behave in ways which send the message that they care.

3. Refusing to trust the other person: One or both is suspicion of their partner’s loyalty. Hence, they make false accusations, or won’t believe the truth.

4. Acting in a way that is dishonest: One or both is deceptive, or they lie and hide the truth.

5. Acting in a controlling way: One person thinks that they should be the one who sets rules, controls the other person, and says how things should be.

6. Beginning to feel squashed and smothered / cutting themselves off from friends and family: One partner is possessive, or feels threatened and upset, when the other’s with their family or spends time with their friends.

7. Attempting to pressurise the other into sexual activity / refusing to talk openly about birth control: One partner wants the other to participate in sex, or to engage in different practices against that’s person’s will. Or, one of the partners stops using birth control, or expects the other person to “take care of all that.”

Signs of an Abusive Relationship

An abusive relationship develops when one of the parties…

1. Starts to communicate in ways that are abusive: When arguments occur, one of the partners screams and cusses, or they verbally threaten or attack the other person.

2. Shows disrespect through acting in abusive ways: This is where one of the partners abuses, harms or threatens the physical safety of the other individual.

3. Wrongly accuses their partner of flirting or cheating: One of the partners is convinced – with no real grounds – that their partner is cheating or having an affair. Thus, they lash out verbally, or hurt, the accused partner.

4. Refuses to accept responsibility for the abuse: When they fly into a rage or act in ways that are abusive, they miminise their actions and refuse to accept blame. They may even blame their partner for “causing the abuse.”

5. Starts to control the other partner: One partner has no say as the other sets the rules – and arguing against that simply leads to more abuse.

6. Does what they can to isolate their partner: One partner has control of who the other person sees, the way they spend their time – and, even, clothes they buy and wear. Thus, they start to lose their confidence and personality.

7. Forces sexual activity: The frequency, type and circumstances for sex are determined by one partner – and the other must comply. If they don’t acquiesce it leads to violence or abuse. .

Building Trust in Relationships

Trust is at the heart of all strong relationships. It allows us to feel safe and secure with one another. Hence, it’s crucial that we know what the key components are so we can actively develop, promote, and honour trust. Some tips to help you here include the following:

1. Be Reliable. Even small things – like canceling an arrangement or failing to follow through on a commitment you have made – will undermine and fracture the relationship. If this happens on a regular basis the whole foundation will crumble and fall.

2. Related to this, always strive to keep the promises you’ve made. Trust requires that people believe you are a person who’s dependable and reliable. If you have to break a promise, then be decent enough to explain face-to-face why you have to let them down.

3. Tell the truth. It’s easy to resort to telling a white lie to protect another person, or to cover your back. But if you tell the truth even when it isn’t pleasant, you will become a person who is known for being trustworthy.

4. Volunteer information. When you have the chance to be vague – don’t take it. Instead be open and transparent, and share important details. Volunteering information says you’ve nothing to hide.

5. Don’t share other peoples’ secrets; don’t be someone who’s a gossip allowed – as we only feel we’re safe with a person who’s discreet. Remember: a confidence … is a confidence … is a confidence.

6. Display loyalty, and be there for that person. That shows that you are caring, dependable and safe.