“The mind replays what the heart can’t delete.” There are secret traumas that are hard to share, and because we can’t share them, we don’t get support, and we end up carrying the burden alone. This intensifies the sense of isolation. Secret traumas like incest, sexual abuse, being married to a person with a sexual […]
When Secrets are Weighing you Down … — Don’t Lose Hope
“Offer yourself patience where memories still bleed.” I, also, wish you didn’t still bleed. I know it is hard. It takes time.
Quote of the Day — Don’t Lose Hope
“Make sure that, in the end, the story is about your strength, and not the pain.” Pain is an inevitable part of life. And often the heartache is outside our control. But there’s also a strength that we never knew we had. The strength to keep going. The strength to win the fight.
Quote of the Day — Don’t Lose Hope
“When there’s a fresh wound in your heart, keep it open until it heals. Air it out. Understand it. Dive into it. Be fierce enough to become it. If you ignore it, it won’t be able to breath. If you ignore it, it will merely deepen, spread, and resurface later, wanting to release. And when […]
Don’t Bury Your wounds — Don’t Lose Hope
“Still, I rise.” – Maya Angelou All of us deal with tough experiences in life. Times when we feel lost and completely overwhelmed. Times when we “just feel”, and we don’t know where to turn. Below are some suggestions to help cope with these. 1. Write about it: Have you ever typed out an angry […]
How to Cope with Tough Experiences — Don’t Lose Hope
“There are losses that rearrange the world. Deaths that change the way you see everything. Grief that tears everything down. Pain that transports you to an entirely different universe, even while everyone else thinks nothing has changed.” – Megan Devine Steven Hayes, the founder of ACT (Action and Commitment Therapy) has outlined 7 skills for […]
7 Skills for Coping with Loss — Don’t Lose Hope
In a previous post we talked about some of the statements and comments that can be destructive to the healing process. Below, we talk about some things that can help when you want to support a traumatized friend. 1. When the person starts to talk about the traumatic experience, be aware of the fact that […]
How to be There for a Traumatized Friend — Don’t Lose Hope
Experiences can leave us with some painful memories. They tie us to the past and prevent us moving on. And the only way to freedom is to work on letting go – so these memories don’t haunt us or keep us trapped in pain. Below are some guidelines to help you work on this.
1. Before you can let go, you must face whatever happened and accept that it is part of your past experiences. Suppression doesn’t work as a long-term solution. It can only be a band aid that brings temporary relief. Talk to someone you trust, or write about it in your journal. You need to share what happened, in order to move on.
2. Identify the lessons you have learned from what has happened. There’s always a lesson – so look for what you’ve learned. It doesn’t make it better – but it does lessen its power.
3. Write the lesson down on a piece of paper and repeat it to yourself when you’re hit by memories. For example, if you’ve been scarred by abuse, then you might write something like: “My experience of abuse does not determine who I am. I’m a stronger person now, and that is not my destiny. I’m choosing my own future, and the person I will be.”
4. Repeat this mantra often so it takes root in your mind. Allow it to be stronger than the bad experience. Say it often, till you mean it, then you’ll start to feel you’re freer. Persevere and keep on fighting when those memories return.
5. Seek to be a person who’s a peace with themselves. When peace is your focus, old thoughts and memories have much less power over how you think and feel. However, seeking after peace must be a conscious, constant choice.
6. When the past tries to intrude, focus firmly on the present. Ground yourself in what’s happening around you in the room, and try to breathe deeply – and deliberately relax. You are here in this moment; the past is over now.
7. Forgive – for your own sake. Try to heal from what happened – then let resentments go. You don’t want them in your life for they’ll just tie you to the past. It’s not an easy process; it takes work and discipline. But it is worth the daily struggle – as one day you will be free.
Below are some common definitions of trauma. “Trauma is any experience of threat, disconnection, isolation, or immobilization that results in physical/ emotional injuries that dysregulate the optimal functioning of one’s body, emotions, brain, spirit or health.” – Mastin Kipp “Trauma by definition is unbearable and intolerable. (Traumatized people) become so upset when they think about […]
How to Tap into Your Inner Strength in the Aftermath of Trauma — Don’t Lose Hope
“It’s important that we share our experiences with other people. Your story will heal you, and your story will heal somebody else. When you tell your story you free yourself, and you give other people permission to acknowledge their story as well.” – Iyanla Vanzant We need to be able to talk about what happened. […]
What? You too? — Don’t Lose Hope
Coaching Skills International 