How to Break free of Addiction to Approval

1. Recognise that other people do not determine your worth and value. It’s your life not there’s. They are responsible to themselves for their life; and you are responsible to yourself for your life. Don’t give up your “self” to please someone else.

2. Also, people change, have different values and outlooks and want different things for, and from, us. It’s simply impossible to please everyone all of the time, or even most of the time.

3. Recognise that spending our lives trying to make others happiness is a recipe for failure and low self-esteem. It’s a pointless way to spend your life. It will stop you being happy and true to yourself.

4. Be kind to yourself. Understand that we all have weaknesses, and things that we regret saying and doing.

5. Also, we’re all on our journey – and the journey is harder and more challenging for some than others. Perhaps you are dealing with obstacles that other people have not had to face.

6. Develop your self esteem from within. Decide on the type of person YOU want to be, and work on being true to that.

7. Think about what really matters to you, and the different goals you’d like to achieve – then set these as a priority. That is, decide what YOU want to do instead of worrying about what others would like you to do.

8. Develop a plan for the direction of your life. Focus your thinking, energy, choices and decisions around living a life that is meaningful to you. At the end of each day, check to ensure you’ve done something that is taking you in that direction.

9. Work on developing your self-reliance – so that although it is nice to have help and support from others, you’re not dependent upon it (or them). Also, being able to think, act and choose for yourself will greatly increase your self-confidence.

10. Work on accepting, valuing and loving yourself. Appreciate the good things about YOU. Notice your successes, and any moves towards living out your goals, and becoming the real you.

11. Choose to live in the moment. Decide not to keep going over the past, or worrying too much about what lies ahead. Notice and relish what is good about “right now”.

12. Choose joy. Allowing yourself to experience joy is freeing, motivating, energising. It keeps your focus on the positives in life.

7 Tips for Overcoming Feelings of Inadequacy

1. Remind yourself that you are not who other people think or say you are.

2. Remind yourself that everybody makes mistakes at times, has areas of weakness, and things they want to change.

3. Remind yourself of ways in which you’ve grown and changed with time. You’re not who you once were – so celebrate how far you’ve come.

4. Also, the ending isn’t written and the future isn’t fixed. You’re free to change your image, and an old identity.

5. Identify the lies you have believed about yourself – and work on changing them so they’re accurate and true. Also, don’t reinforce the lies by acting like you think they’re true.

6. Remember that your feelings are not the same as facts. Don’t live based on your feelings as that will keep you trapped.

7. Hang out with those who see, and who appreciate, your worth. And take their words to heart, and let them help to build you up.

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