“I stopped sending paragraphs, stopped begging, I stopped telling people how to treat me, and started walking away, blocking, and distancing myself. Life may be lonely, but it’s become peaceful. Sometimes being alone in life is better than being surrounded by half-ass people.” – Unknown
Is this something you need to take to heart, or apply in your own life?
Put self-love and self-care at the top of your list of priorities.
1. Acknowledge to yourself that you’re having a hard time.
2. Don’t beat yourself up for struggling.
3. Let go of the drive for perfection.
4. Ask for support from those who care about you.
5. Make sure you enforce healthy boundaries with others.
6. Drop some commitments, and give yourself more space.
7. Take time to relax, and do the things you like.
8. Learn how to enjoy, and benefit from solitude.
1. Share your story with someone. Often it helps to put the sadness into words.
2. Try to detach and unplug for a while. It’s hard to do more than the minimum right now.
3. Respect your need for space, and a period of low stress. Also, try to reduce your responsibilities.
4. Allow yourself to feel all the negative feelings. It’s counter-productive to push them down inside.
5. Take care of your body and your physical needs. This will help you heal emotionally, too.
6. Be kind and gentle with yourself, and deliberately invest in meaningful self care. It’s important that you treat yourself well.
7. Believe that you’re able to recover, and go on. Even though you feel weak, you are capable and strong.
1. Don’t keep bringing up your past mistakes.
2. Don’t keep beating yourself up for the things you get wrong.
3. Don’t expect things from yourself that you’re not yet able to give.
4. Be proud of all the progress you’ve made.
5. Believe that you deserve to be respected.
6. Believe that you deserve to be wanted.
7. Believe that you deserve to be loved.
8. Accept, respect and love yourself, just as you are.
If you’re having a difficult day, or you find you’re being troubled by anxious thoughts:
1. Acknowledge to yourself that you’re having a hard time.
2. Don’t beat yourself up for struggling.
3. Let go of the drive towards perfectionism.
4. Ask for support from those who care about you.
5. Make sure you enforce healthy boundaries with others.
6. Drop some commitments, and give yourself more space.
7. Take time to relax, and do the things you like.
8. Learn how to enjoy, and benefit from, solitude.
1. Before you can let go, you must face whatever happened and accept that it is part of your past experiences. Suppression doesn’t work as a long-term solution. It can only be a band aid that brings temporary relief. Talk to someone you trust, or write about it in your journal. You need to share what has happened, in order to move on.
2. Identify the lessons you have learned from what has happened. There’s always a lesson so look for what you’ve learned. It doesn’t make it better, but it does lessen its power.
3. Write the lesson down on a piece of paper and repeat it to yourself when you’re hit by painful memories. For example, if you’ve been scarred by abuse, then you might write something like: “My experience of abuse does not determine who I am. I’m a stronger person now, and that is not my destiny. I’m choosing my own future, and the person I will be.”
4. Repeat this mantra often so it takes root in your mind. Allow it to be stronger than the bad experience. Say it often – till you mean it– then you’ll start to feel you’re freer. Persevere and keep on fighting when the old memories return.
5. Seek to be a person who’s a peace with themselves. When peace is your focus, old memories have less power. However, seeking after peace must be a conscious, constant choice.
6. When the past tries to intrude, focus firmly on the present. Ground yourself in what’s happening around you in the room, and try to breathe deeply, and deliberately relax. You are here in this moment; you’re not living in the past.
7. Forgive for your own sake. Try to heal from what happened – then let resentments go. You don’t want them in your life for they’ll just tie you to the past. You may need some help with this – but it is worth the daily struggle. It is a powerful tool for moving forward, and being free.
Sometimes it can feel like too much effort to keep going. If you like that today, perhaps the following will help.
1. Acknowledge how you feel, and accept that this is going to be a more challenging day.
2. Commit to doing the absolute essentials but don’t push yourself to do everything.
3. Prioritize what’s important. For example, if you have a deadline to meet, only work on that. If it is something that can wait, set it aside for now.
4. Work through your to-do list in small chunks of time – making sure you get plenty of breaks.
5. Tell someone who will understand. We need to get support when we’re feeling low but not everyone will be there for you. Figure out who will be there, and who won’t be there, for you.
6. Be wise in your use of social media. It may be good to go offline for a while, to switch off your phone and to protect yourself from stuff that just exacerbates the way you feel.
7. Make sure you leave the house and get a change of scenery.
8. Deliberately invest in some form of self-care … and make sure it’s something that you know will help your mood.
Sometimes we’re our own worst enemy, and we’re far too quick to criticize ourselves. We are harsh and demanding, and we put ourselves down, instead of being caring and compassionate.
So perhaps it is time to challenge this self-talk, and to treat ourselves fairly, and to build ourselves up.
Things to stop saying to yourself include:
Say instead “It’s just a skill, and something I can learn.”
Say instead “I got it wrong, and everybody makes mistakes.”
Say instead “It may be hard, but step by step will get me there.”
Say instead “It doesn’t really matter what these people think of me. There are others who will recognize my value and worth.”
Say instead “I am beautiful inside, and have value and worth. I deserve to be cherished and be treated well.”
Coaching Skills International 