Posted in Life in the Canadian Rockies

How to be More Honest in Relationships

Being real in relationships can be difficult at times. Here are some tips to help you with this:

1. Notice the other person’s moods, and choose a time when they seem to be more comfortable and relaxed.

2. Pay attention to timing. Choose a time when they are unrushed, aren’t under pressure, or following a tight schedule.

3. Remind yourself that your views, opinions, wishes, rights and feelings are important.

4. Expect there to be some pauses, or for things NOT to go exactly as you hope. That’s just normal in all relationships. It doesn’t necessarily indicate that there’s a problem.

5. Listen to your heart. Follow your intuition. Don’t only listen to the spoken words. Listen and respond to the energy and emotions behind the words.

6. Don’t jump to conclusions or let negative assumptions stop you from hearing what the other has to say. Don’t twist their words or their intentions in some way.

7. Speak your truth calmly and respectfully – and remember that you matter and deserve to have a voice.

Posted in Life in the Canadian Rockies

10 Relationship Killers

A person’s actions will tell you everything you need to know. Pay attention.

10 relationship killers include:

1. Breaking trust

2. Lack of respect

3. Jealousy

4. Angry outburst/ high volatility

5. Making assumptions

6. Unreasonable expectations

7. Bitterness

8. Unforgiveness

9. Being cold and uncaring

10. Failing to prioritize your partner.

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Saying No to Others

It can be hard to say ‘no’ and to do your own thing. We expect disapproval or rejection by our friends. So how do you say ‘no’ in a respectful way when you can’t, or you don’t want to, say ‘yes’ to them?

1. Listen with respect to what the person has to say. Don’t interrupt; it’s just a question at this stage.

2. Simply say ‘no’ in a calm and an even voice. Don’t sound like you’re upset, or start to whine or raise your voice. Just simply say ‘no’ in a calm, confident way.

3. Transfer the reason and the blame to something else. For example, say something like, ‘I’m really sorry but my calendar is full’. This focuses annoyance on your calendar – not you.

4. Don’t react or be confrontational. They can ask what they want, and have the right to make requests – and you have the right to accept or decline. Say: I’d love to say yes, but … (and then turn them down)’. This will help to build a bridge, and conveys empathy.

5. Don’t feel you have to give an explanation when you answer. You don’t have to give a reason or explain yourself to others. You can simply decline, and then politely change the subject.

6. If you want to give a reason then keep it short and simple. Don’t justify yourself or start to argue your case. True friends accept your answer and respect your boundaries.

7. Stand firm in your decision. If the person starts to pressure you, just tell them you’ve decided, and nothing they can say is going to make you change your mind.

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Straightening out Some Relationship Myths — Don’t Lose Hope

Relationship myths including the following: 1. It take two to tango; both partners share responsibility when there’s a broken relationship. Not true. Often it’s the case that one of partners has more serious issues than the other partner, or brings more baggage to the relationship. For example, they may not be able to securely attach, […]

Straightening out Some Relationship Myths — Don’t Lose Hope
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7 Ways to Really Love the People in your Life

If you really want to love the people in your life ….

1. Tell them how great they are and how much you appreciate them.

2. Be genuine and real in your relationships. Don’t pretend and wear a mask but share your true, authentic self.

3. Note, however, that being genuine doesn’t mean always dumping your garbage on those around you. Be respectful of their needs and feelings too – and recognise that we influence and affect others’ moods. That is, we can choose to either brighten or pollute the atmosphere.

4. Be a great listener. We feel loved and valued when others really listen to us (and demonstrate they’re listening through their nonverbal cues).

5. Don’t try to fix, change and make them into different people. Instead, allow them the freedom to be themselves, as well.

6. Recognise that we don’t have to agree with, or respect, others’ choices in order to have a good relationship with them. A lot of the time, we can simply agree to disagree.

7. Don’t allow yourself to fall into the role of victim or martyr … or a co-dependent lover, family member or spouse.

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Some Curses of Being Highly Sensitive

People who are highly sensitive, often struggle with the following:

1. They are easily overwhelmed, and often feel stressed through being overstimulated: That is, they often feel exhausted, stressed, worn out and worn down by processing so much detail – or through vicariously experiencing too much pain.

2. They are more personally affected by others’ emotions: Thus, they find it hard to detach themselves, or throw off the feelings and sufferings of others. That is, they tend to absorb anger, pain and distress when they are around others them are experiencing these.

3. They need more time and space for themselves: In order to restore their boundaries, to refresh their minds and renew their energy, they need to retreat, and to spend more time alone. Unfortunately, others may think they are unsociable as they don’t understand their need to withdraw.

4. They may feel driven by unhealthy perfectionism: They often have unrealistic expectations, and are harsh, unforgiving and demanding of themselves. This is because they overanalyse, and worry about what other people think, want and feel. (Related to this, many also suffer from low self-esteem.)

5. They may feel out of sync with the people around them: The western world values extroverted people who are confident, lively and highly sociable. This can add extra pressure to more sensitive people who are cautious, and careful of the judgments of others. They can also feel they’re viewed as being too sensitive, or as too emotional, or not tough enough.

For more information see: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/03/28/5-gifts-of-being-highly-sensitive/

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How to Find the Right Relationship

1. Know yourself – what you want, and do not want.

2. Have good boundaries – know what it is healthy, and what crosses that line.

3. Know your value, and require respect.

4. Get out there and meet a wide range of people.

5. Give people a reasonable chance.

6. Don’t put people into a box; be open to being surprised.

7. Be persistent in your search for true love.

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The Pain of Separation and Loss — Don’t Lose Hope

“Your absence has gone through me Like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its colour.” – W. S. Merwin This beautiful, brief poem captures perfectly how a major loss affects the whole of life. Everything we do, and every place we go, triggers thoughts and feelings of ‘how things used to […]

The Pain of Separation and Loss — Don’t Lose Hope