“What worries you controls you.” – Unknown Some of those worries are legitimate fears, and it’s important to take them seriously. Other worries are more vague, or they’re less likely to occur. And yet we ruminate, and turn them over in our minds. So what can you do when worries grip and torture us? 1. […]Dealing with our Worries, Anxieties, and Fears — Don’t Lose Hope
“The mind replays what the heart can’t delete.” There are secret traumas that are hard to share, and because we can’t share them, we don’t get support, and we end up carrying the burden alone. This intensifies the sense of isolation. Secret traumas like incest, sexual abuse, being married to a person with a sexual […]When Secrets are Weighing you Down … — Don’t Lose Hope
“If I am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?“ – Maya Angelou This is a good, and a thought-provoking, question! I wonder how good we really are to ourselves. Here are some journal prompts to help you think this through … 1. Without thinking too deeply […]Who do I Think I Am? — Don’t Lose Hope
“Finding yourself is really the process of returning to yourself. It’s a process of unlearning, an excavation, the process of remembering who you really were before this world got its hands on you.” The following four steps for breaking free from unhealthy, self-destructive beliefs was first suggested by Jeffrey M. Schwatrz, in his book […]Breaking Free from Unhealthy, False Beliefs — Don’t Lose Hope
1. Allow and accept the different feelings you experience – knowing these will change throughout the day.
2. Don’t judge yourself for having negative feelings.
3. Don’t believe every thought that pops into your head. Some of these are true, but many will be false.
4. Slow down and take life at a manageable pace.
5. Stay in the present; do one thing at a time.
6. Let go of the need to control everything.
7. Practise being curious; notice little things.
8. Use your 5 senses to become more aware of what is happening all around you in the world.
9. Nourish and take care of your body and mind.
10. Practice contentment and gratitude.
It can be hard to say ‘no’ and to do your own thing. We expect disapproval or rejection by our friends. So how do you say ‘no’ in a respectful way when you can’t, or you don’t want to, say ‘yes’ to them?
1. Listen with respect to what the person has to say. Don’t interrupt; it’s just a question at this stage.
2. Simply say ‘no’ in a calm and an even voice. Don’t sound like you’re upset, or start to whine or raise your voice. Just simply say ‘no’ in a calm, confident way.
3. Transfer the reason and the blame to something else. For example, say something like, ‘I’m really sorry but my calendar is full’. This focuses annoyance on your calendar – not you.
4. Don’t react or be confrontational. They can ask what they want, and have the right to make requests – and you have the right to accept or decline. Say: I’d love to say yes, but … (and then turn them down)’. This will help to build a bridge, and conveys empathy.
5. Don’t feel you have to give an explanation when you answer. You don’t have to give a reason or explain yourself to others. You can simply decline, and then politely change the subject.
6. If you want to give a reason then keep it short and simple. Don’t justify yourself or start to argue your case. True friends accept your answer and respect your boundaries.
7. Stand firm in your decision. If the person starts to pressure you, just tell them you’ve decided, and nothing they can say is going to make you change your mind.
“Offer yourself patience where memories still bleed.” I, also, wish you didn’t still bleed. I know it is hard. It takes time.Quote of the Day — Don’t Lose Hope
“Make sure that, in the end, the story is about your strength, and not the pain.” Pain is an inevitable part of life. And often the heartache is outside our control. But there’s also a strength that we never knew we had. The strength to keep going. The strength to win the fight.Quote of the Day — Don’t Lose Hope
Sawubona. This beautiful word in the Zulu language captures so much more than the word hello. Behind the greeting is the powerful message: “I see you, and by seeing you, I bring you into being.” And for me, this loving greeting begs the fundamental questions (questions that I think we all should ask ourselves): “Do […]The Reflection in the Mirror — Don’t Lose Hope
“When there’s a fresh wound in your heart, keep it open until it heals. Air it out. Understand it. Dive into it. Be fierce enough to become it. If you ignore it, it won’t be able to breath. If you ignore it, it will merely deepen, spread, and resurface later, wanting to release. And when […]Don’t Bury Your wounds — Don’t Lose Hope