“Your trauma made you stronger.” No. My trauma left me traumatized. My trauma left me bludgeoned and bleeding. It left me totally destroyed from endless triggers and constant broken sleep. It left empty, and scared, and unable to trust … My partner. The world. Afraid to trust myself. It left me floundering and dealing with […]
“You have no idea how easy it is to fall back into the darkness.” – Unknown Triggers and feelings can be powerful and intense. They immediately transport us to a dark and painful place. With no effort on our part, we are back in the abyss. And it’s so utterly exhausting to keep battling the […]
For anyone who’s lost someone they loved … “On the days when you miss someone the most, remember how they loved you, and do that for yourself. In their name. In their honour. Love yourself as they did. They would like that. They would like that very much indeed.” – Donna Ashworth
1. Love over Fear: People, who are truly happy, are less fearful and more loving. They perceive every moment, every challenge, and every person as an opportunity to learn more about themselves and the world.
2. Acceptance over Resistance: Happy people know you can’t really change things by denying and resisting them. So when bad things happen, they don’t get angry and complain. Instead, they ask themselves questions like: What can I learn from this? How can I do to make this better?
3. Forgiveness over Unforgiveness: Truly happy individuals understand that it’s destructive to hold on to feelings of anger. Instead, they choose to forgive and let go, understanding that (in the end) forgiveness is a gift they give themselves.
4. Trust over Mistrust: They trust themselves … and they have learned to figure out who is trustworthy – and also those they should avoid.
5. Meaning over Ambition: Happy people do the things they do because it adds meaning and purpose to their lives. They’re not driven by the need to gain acceptance, praise and approval from others.
6. Challenges over Obstacles: Happy people see problems as challenges, and as opportunities to explore new ways of seeing and doing things. That is, challenges are something that help them grow.
7. Selflessness over Selfishness: Happy people seek out ways ways to give to others – of themselves, their time, their gifts, and their money. That is, they’re not self-focused and self-absorbed.
8. Kindness over Harshness: Happy people are gentle and kind with themselves and others. They know the importance and power of self-love, self-forgiveness and self-acceptance – and they freely love, forgive and accept other people.
9. Gratitude over Ingratitude: No matter where they are, or who they are with, happy people have the capacity to see beauty where others would only see ugliness – and they’re quick to express their gratitude.
10. Being Present over Being Disengaged: Happy people know how to live in the moment, appreciating what they have and who they are with. They are not constantly being dragged down by the past, or distracted by what could go wrong in the future.
11. Positivity over Negativity: Regardless of the circumstances of life, happy people are able to adopt and maintain a positive attitude.
12. Taking Responsibility over Blaming: Happy people assume full ownership for their lives. They assume responsibility for their choices, decisions, actions, reactions, beliefs and attitudes.
Below are some tips for those times when you have to be social but would rather stay at home:
1. Give your energy level a boost. It’s hard to be friendly, and to focus on others, if you’re feeling really tired and would rather be in bed. To keep going, grab some coffee or a bite to eat, or go outside and get some cool, fresh air.
2. Have some tactics at the ready if you don’t know the people – or if you have to be with people you would rather avoid. For example, if you don’t like the people, ask a friend to go with you … and have a great excuse for leaving once you’ve done the minimum.
3. Plan ahead to avoid conflict. Aim to stay in control of your reactions and emotions – and resist the pressure to take part in arguments.
4. Control your contribution. If you’re quiet and introverted then value you who you are. Don’t expect yourself to be a party animal. Show respect for yourself by taking time out if you need to, and only talk to people that you want to be around.
5. See it as a chance to practice your social skills. Take the pressure off yourself by practising your social skills. For example, ask a few open questions, and keep the focus on the speaker. Try and come across as friendly through your use of body language – like making good eye contact and smiling while you talk.
“What worries you controls you.” – Unknown Some of those worries are legitimate fears, and it’s important to take them seriously. Other worries are more vague, or they’re less likely to occur. And yet we ruminate, and turn them over in our minds. So what can you do when worries grip and torture us? 1. […]
“The mind replays what the heart can’t delete.” There are secret traumas that are hard to share, and because we can’t share them, we don’t get support, and we end up carrying the burden alone. This intensifies the sense of isolation. Secret traumas like incest, sexual abuse, being married to a person with a sexual […]