For anyone who’s lost someone they loved … “On the days when you miss someone the most, remember how they loved you, and do that for yourself. In their name. In their honour. Love yourself as they did. They would like that. They would like that very much indeed.” – Donna Ashworth
Quote of the Day — Don’t Lose Hope
“There are losses that rearrange the world. Deaths that change the way you see everything. Grief that tears everything down. Pain that transports you to an entirely different universe, even while everyone else thinks nothing has changed.” – Megan Devine Steven Hayes, the founder of ACT (Action and Commitment Therapy) has outlined 7 skills for […]
7 Skills for Coping with Loss — Don’t Lose Hope
“Your absence has gone through me Like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its colour.” – W. S. Merwin This beautiful, brief poem captures perfectly how a major loss affects the whole of life. Everything we do, and every place we go, triggers thoughts and feelings of ‘how things used to […]
The Pain of Separation and Loss — Don’t Lose Hope
The following is a wonderful description of grief, and how difficult it is to process trauma, pain and loss. Perhaps you’ll find it resonates with your experience. “As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you […]
The Journey Through Grief — Don’t Lose Hope
If you feel stuck, and overwhelmed by pain, the following suggestions might help you work through this:
1. Try to put into words exactly how you’re feeling. Is it the pain of rejection? Is it an overwhelming feeling of shame and self-loathing? Is it a sense of disbelief that you’ve been treated so cruelly by others? Is it a sense of utter desperation?
2. Try to find a way of expressing the pain. Sometimes we can tell the person who has hurt us– but often we feel that they won’t be responsive. If that is the case, find someone you can open up to. It’s really important that you have the chance to honestly express what you’re going through. If you feel there’s no-one you can talk to right now, then perhaps try journaling, or using some kind of art, like music or painting.
3. If the pain’s related to something that happened, admit that you can’t go back and change the past. You need to let it go and keep your eyes ahead. You are not defined by what happened to you, and you have what it takes to live a rich, rewarding life.
4. Related to this, forgive yourself and don’t hold on to regrets. Learn what you can – and then choose to move ahead. Don’t be a victim of your past, or other people.
5. Reconnect with who you were previously. Think of who you might have been if this had never happened. You can still be that person: they are still a part of you.
6. Focus on the things that bring you joy and happiness, and focus on those people who love care for you.
1. Share your story with someone. Often it helps to put the sadness into words.
2. Try to detach and unplug for a while.
3. Respect your need for space, and a period of low stress.
4. Allow yourself to feel all the negative feelings.
5. Take care of your body and your physical needs.
6. Treat yourself with kindness.
7. Invest in good self care.
Originally posted on Don’t Lose Hope : “The only cure for grief is to grieve.” We don’t just put it behind us and move on. ?We don’t just forget, and start over again. ? We know that doesn’t work. That it’s just a fantasy. That’s not how trauma, or grief, or sadness work. They are…
The following might help you if you’re feeling sad:
1. Make a list of everything you’re thankful for – and try to find some memories that make you smile. There’s nothing like some humour for changing how you feel.
2. Decide to do some fun things with your friends. Although it might be tempting to stay home alone, and to have a bubble bath, or to curl up with a book, you’ll probably feel better if you go out with your friends. It stops you dwelling on your thoughts, and moves your focus somewhere else.
3. Get some exercise. Endorphins are released when we get some exercise. This improves our mood with no real effort on our part (and you may well feel less tired, and more healthy as well).
4. Set yourself some goals and break them down into small steps. As you work through these steps you’ll start to see some gradual changes – and you’ll feel you’re going somewhere instead of marking time.
5. Play it forward. Do something selfless and kind for someone else. It’ll take them by surprise and it will likely make their day. You’ll also feel much better about yourself as well.
6. Tell yourself that it will pass as moods are changeable. Our feelings are so fickle and unreliable. Tomorrow the same things might hardly bother you at all.
7. Recognise that your mind is a fertile battleground. We’re all assaulted by unwanted, critcal, negative thoughts. Try to counteract those thoughts by focusing on all your strengths.
8. It’s different if you’re coping with something serious. If you’re dealing with a trauma, or a crisis, or a death, then don’t avoid the pain – as feeling it will help you heal. In time, the pain will ease and you will be yourself again.
Coaching Skills International 