“I have taken a vow to love myself, in good times and bad.” Stacie Martin This is one of the most important vows you will ever make in life. Don’t lose sight of it when things are tough. Or when the old tapes start playing in your head. Remember to always love and cherish yourself. […]
A healthy relationship means that both members of the couple are…
1. Communicating with each other: Talking about problems without screaming and shouting; listening to each other, and respecting their viewpoint; being willing to adapt, and to sometimes change their mind.
2. Showing respect for one another: Valuing the other person’s culture, beliefs, viewpoints, opinions and boundaries. Also, treating each other in a kind and caring way.
3. Demonstrating and conveying trust: Each person is trustworthy and trusts the other person because they have been shown that they are worthy of that trust.
4. Honest with each other: Both are open and honest – but are private as well; and they don’t demand the other person tells them everything.
5. Equals: They make joint decisions and treat each other well. No person calls the shots, or determines all the rules.
6. Able to enjoy their own personal space: As well as spending time together, they spend time on their own. They respect the fact they’re different, and they need their own life, too.
7. Decisions about sex are discussed, and are consensual: They discuss sex together, including birth control. There’s no one individual sets the rules and standards here.
Signs of an unhealthy relationship
An unhealthy relationship develops where one, or both, of the partners is…
1. Failing to communicate: Problems are ignored, or not talked about at all. One or both don’t really listen, and they rarely compromise.
2. Acting in ways that are disrespectful: One or both are inconsiderate toward the other person; and they don’t behave in ways which send the message that they care.
3. Refusing to trust the other person: One or both is suspicion of their partner’s loyalty. Hence, they make false accusations, or won’t believe the truth.
4. Acting in a way that is dishonest: One or both is deceptive, or they lie and hide the truth.
5. Acting in a controlling way: One person thinks that they should be the one who sets rules, controls the other person, and says how things should be.
6. Beginning to feel squashed and smothered / cutting themselves off from friends and family: One partner is possessive, or feels threatened and upset, when the other’s with their family or spends time with their friends.
7. Attempting to pressurise the other into sexual activity / refusing to talk openly about birth control: One partner wants the other to participate in sex, or to engage in different practices against that’s person’s will. Or, one of the partners stops using birth control, or expects the other person to take care of birth control.
Signs of an abusive relationship
An abusive relationship develops when one of the parties…
1. Starts to communicate in ways that are abusive: When arguments occur, one of the partners screams and cusses, or they verbally threaten or attack the other person.
2. Shows disrespect through acting in abusive ways: This is where one of the partners abuses, harms or threatens the physical safety of the other individual.
3. Wrongly accuses their partner of flirting or cheating: One of the partners is convinced – with no real grounds – that their partner is cheating or having an affair. Thus, they lash out verbally, or hurt, the accused partner.
4. Refuses to accept responsibility for the abuse: When they fly into a rage or act in ways that are abusive, they miminise their actions and refuse to accept blame. They may even blame their partner for causing the abuse.
5. Starts to control the other partner: One partner has no say as the other sets the rules – and arguing against that simply leads to more abuse.
6. Does what they can to isolate their partner: One partner has control of who the other person sees, the way they spend their time – and, even, clothes they buy and wear. Thus, they start to lose their confidence and personality.
7. Forces sexual activity: The frequency, type and circumstances for sex are determined by one partner, and if they don’t acquiesce it leads to violence or abuse. Also, sometimes violence is included in the sex.
1. What puts a smile on your face? Is there a particular event, a particular topic that makes your whole face just lighten up? Whatever it is that makes you smile, and makes you happy whenever you encounter it, this is a sign of something you are passionate about.
2. What do you find easy? Usually, what we find easy for us to do, will be related to what we are passionate about. It’s very hard to hate something that is very easy for us!
3. What sparks your creativity? Think about something in your life where you seem to always expand its horizon, always coming up with new, fun, and exciting ideas relating to that subject. Whatever makes you creative is probably something that you are very passionate about.
4. What would you do for free?. Doing what you have a passion for brings out your best, and this leads to greatness. Greatness breezes to success. So think about something that you would just love to do, even if you were not getting paid. Think about something that you look forward to doing, something that you wish you could do all the time.
5. What do you like to talk about? The topics of conversation we have can definitely tell what we are interested in, and this is a good way to find out what we really enjoy in life.
6. What makes you unafraid of failure? When we do what we are passionate about, we have total confidence in our abilities. This makes us not worry about failing, because in our mind, how can we fail when we do what we love?
7. What would you regret not having tried? If you were at the end of your life, what would you regret not having pursued? What would you have liked to do, that you didn’t get a chance to? Think about what that might be. Whatever it is that you may experience regret now or later on for not having tried, this is a good chance to be your true passion.
“Be nice to yourself. It’s hard to be happy when someone is being mean to you all the time.” – Christine Arylo In case this is something that you need to hear today … Remember to be nice, and speak kindly, to yourself. Yes, you’ve made some mistake. Yes, it’s true you aren’t perfect. There […]
When I was younger, I believed that people were basically kind, and caring and good. I believe that people were reliable. That they could be trusted. That their word was their bond. I believed that if someone told me they loved me, then they meant what they said, and they really did. I believed that […]
We tend to focus on looking for love, hoping for love, and waiting for love. Yet if we look to others to meet that basic need then we’ll always be empty and unfulfilled. That is, for others to love us in a healthy way, we must first be able to nurture ourselves … and to love and honour who we truly are. The steps below can help you work towards this goal.
1. Decide to treat others with love and respect: As you seek to bring joy into others’ lives you’ll find that they repay you with kindness and love.
2. Practice random acts of kindness: “Play it forward” by doing random thoughtful things. That will turn you into someone you respect yourself – and you’ll also find that others are more generous to you.
3. Let go of the past: What happened in the past is merely history now. Today is a new day, and you are starting a new page. Let go of disappointments, hurts and any grievances you hold against yourself, other people – or the world.
4. Forgive yourself: We all make mistakes, or we regret some bad decisions. Don’t ridicule, berate or criticise yourself for that. Instead, forgive whatever happened, and give yourself a break. It simply means you’re human – and are not infallible.
5. Practice positive self-talk: Write down and repeat affirming statements and truths -like “I am gifted” – or “I’m a true and loyal friend”. Post these statements on the mirror and repeat them to yourself.
6. Think through what you really want in life: You can carve out your own path and you choose your own destiny. Your life is a gift and you can choose what you will do.
7. Be persistent: Work wholeheartedly at loving yourself. If you’ve suffered in the past then be compassionate. Be ready to acknowledge and work through your pain. You deserve that respect – and it will help to set you free.
8. Celebrate your accomplishments: It’s easy to ignore or to downplay what we have done – but don’t be blind to your successes and accomplishments. They ought to be acknowledged as they’re part of who you are.
9. Think of someone you want to be like and emulate them: Doing that will build those qualities into your life as well – so it is easier to like, love and accept yourself.
10. Be yourself and trust yourself: Be true to yourself – and don’t care what others think. Learn to trust your instincts and to follow your own heart. Also, learn it’s OK to say “no” and to do your own thing – And you don’t have to feel guilty for not pleasing everyone.
11. Don’t compare yourself to others: Every person on the planet is different and unique. We all have different talents and different histories. Discover who YOU are and then invest in being you.
12. Work on receiving love: When someone pays you a compliment or tries to show you love, don’t quickly brush it off – but try and see it as a gift. A a gift that shows you’re valued, and are loved, and loveable.