“Strong women aren’t born. They’re forged in the fires they’ve had to walk through. And they’ve shown the world they are warriors.” This is you. A strong courageous woman who has been forced to deal with stuff she never wanted to deal with, and never should have had to deal with. And you’ve discovered in […]
1. Stop fantasizing: Those with too rosy a picture of the future tend to put less effort into reaching their goals. Instead, it’s better to be open to some things going wrong. It will help you see the obstacles – and think through beating them.
2. Visualise process NOT outcome: If you can think through all the steps you will forge a better plan … and it will also help to reduce anxiety.
3. Beware of the “what-the-hell effect”: Too many just give up when they stumble or fall down. It’s better to get up – and to see it as a journey.
4. Attack procrastination: It’s easy to procrastinate when things start getting tough. Make a start, keep your head down, and set yourself deadlines. Once you start you’ll feel much better, and the road won’t seem so hard.
5. Switch out of robot mode: A lot of behaviour is robotic and habitual. We copy other people, or we do the same old things. Take stock, and change those patterns, if they don’t lead to your goals.
6. Know when enough is enough: Sometimes we need to know when there’s no point in going on. We’re flogging a dead horse; things are never going to change. Perhaps it’s time to stop, and to work on something else.
“More long walks. More good books. More music. More sunsets. More holding hands. More cuddles. More road trips. More honouring your heart. More being nice to yourself. More laughter. More fun in the moment. More beach. More forest. More memories. More of what brings peace to your life. More of what brings inspiration. More of […]
Impostor syndrome is a psychological condition where people are unable to believe in their successes. Thus, despite the evidence that points to the fact that they are skilled, capable and competent they write this off as temporary – or timing and good luck. Thus, they constantly struggle with feeling like a fraud.
So what are some ways that you can counteract this syndrome?
1. Admit this is something that you suffer from. When we know we’re not alone, and our symptoms have a name it can help disperse the feelings of anxiety and shame.
2. Distinguish between facts and feelings. Everyone feels stupid and inept at times. That doesn’t mean we’re stupid. Our feelings aren’t facts.
3. Don’t demand perfection. It is good to set goals and have high standards for yourself. However, it’s unhealthy to obsess over every little thing. You’ll simply waste a lot of time and never feel quite satisfied.
4. Take a look at the rules you have imposed upon yourself. Are you saying to yourself: “I have to always get it right”; or ”I should never ask for help”; or “It is bad to make mistakes”? These are misguided rules that undermine your self-esteem. They set you up for failure as they close the door to help.
5. Change the tapes in your head. Instead of constantly repeating faulty self-destructive thoughts (such as “Wait till they discover just how useless I am”) replace it with a thought that builds esteem and confidence.
6. Don’t look to others to affirm your success. Don’t look to other people to rate and judge your work. Set your own personal goals, and note the progress you have made.
7. Fake it till you make it. Almost every individual who succeeds in life has a time when they’re acting, as they don’t feel confident. It means that they’re still learning, and are not afraid to try.
If you really want to love the people in your life ….
1. Tell them how great they are and how much you appreciate them.
2. Be genuine and real in your relationships. Don’t pretend and wear a mask but share your true, authentic self.
3. Note, however, that being genuine doesn’t mean always dumping your garbage on those around you. Be respectful of their needs and feelings too – and recognise that we influence and affect others’ moods. That is, we can choose to either brighten or pollute the atmosphere.
4. Be a great listener. We feel loved and valued when others really listen to us (and demonstrate they’re listening through their nonverbal cues).
5. Don’t try to fix, change and make them into different people. Instead, allow them the freedom to be themselves, as well.
6. Recognise that we don’t have to agree with, or respect, others’ choices in order to have a good relationship with them. A lot of the time, we can simply agree to disagree.
7. Don’t allow yourself to fall into the role of victim or martyr … or a co-dependent lover, family member or spouse.
1. Recognise that other people do not determine your worth and value. It’s your life not there’s. They are responsible to themselves for their life; and you are responsible to yourself for your life. Don’t give up your “self” to please someone else.
2. Also, people change, have different values and outlooks and want different things for, and from, us. It’s simply impossible to please everyone all of the time, or even most of the time.
3. Recognise that spending our lives trying to make others happiness is a recipe for failure and low self-esteem. It’s a pointless way to spend your life. It will stop you being happy and true to yourself.
4. Be kind to yourself. Understand that we all have weaknesses, and things that we regret saying and doing.
5. Also, we’re all on our journey – and the journey is harder and more challenging for some than others. Perhaps you are dealing with obstacles that other people have not had to face.
6. Develop your self esteem from within. Decide on the type of person YOU want to be, and work on being true to that.
7. Think about what really matters to you, and the different goals you’d like to achieve – then set these as a priority. That is, decide what YOU want to do instead of worrying about what others would like you to do.
8. Develop a plan for the direction of your life. Focus your thinking, energy, choices and decisions around living a life that is meaningful to you. At the end of each day, check to ensure you’ve done something that is taking you in that direction.
9. Work on developing your self-reliance – so that although it is nice to have help and support from others, you’re not dependent upon it (or them). Also, being able to think, act and choose for yourself will greatly increase your self-confidence.
10. Work on accepting, valuing and loving yourself. Appreciate the good things about YOU. Notice your successes, and any moves towards living out your goals, and becoming the real you.
11. Choose to live in the moment. Decide not to keep going over the past, or worrying too much about what lies ahead. Notice and relish what is good about “right now”.
12. Choose joy. Allowing yourself to experience joy is freeing, motivating, energising. It keeps your focus on the positives in life.
“If standing up for yourself burns a bridge, I have matches. We ride at dawn.” – Unknown Standing up for yourself – and being you – is one of the most important things you can do. Don’t ever compromise, or bury, who you are. You are too beautiful to lose yourself.
1. Believing negative, unproductive and self-defeating thoughts. These include thoughts like “I could never … I’m not good enough to … I don’t deserve to … I’m useless at …”
2. Blaming others. It’s true that other people can have a huge affect on what happens to us, and where we are in life. But we give them too much power if we let them set our course, and see ourselves as victims, and let ourselves feel helpless.
3. Taking ourselves too seriously. It’s important to work hard and to have integrity. But we also have to laugh and enjoy ourselves as well. Also, decide to let things go, and put up with some mistakes. You’re not a perfect person and, the truth is – that’s OK!
4. Being afraid to take some risks or to live close to the edge. To have an interesting life you must leave your comfort zone and say “yes” to some new chances and opportunities. It will broaden your perspective, reduce anxiety, and provide you with new options and possibilities.
5. Being afraid of change. It doesn’t take much effort to stick with what you know. The unknown can seem daunting as we don’t know where that leads! But we grow as individuals and lead a richer life if we learn to accept changes, instead of being scared.