Do you Suffer from Imposter Syndrome

Impostor syndrome is a psychological condition where people are unable to believe in their successes. Thus, despite the evidence that points to the fact that they are skilled, capable and competent they write this off as temporary – or timing and good luck. Thus, they constantly struggle with feeling like a fraud.

So what are some ways that you can counteract this syndrome?

1. Admit this is something that you suffer from. When we know we’re not alone, and our symptoms have a name it can help disperse the feelings of anxiety and shame.

2. Distinguish between facts and feelings. Everyone feels stupid and inept at times. That doesn’t mean we’re stupid. Our feelings aren’t facts.

3. Don’t demand perfection. It is good to set goals and have high standards for yourself. However, it’s unhealthy to obsess over every little thing. You’ll simply waste a lot of time and never feel quite satisfied.

4. Take a look at the rules you have imposed upon yourself. Are you saying to yourself: “I have to always get it right”; or ”I should never ask for help”; or “It is bad to make mistakes”? These are misguided rules that undermine your self-esteem. They set you up for failure as they close the door to help.

5. Change the tapes in your head. Instead of constantly repeating faulty self-destructive thoughts (such as “Wait till they discover just how useless I am”) replace it with a thought that builds esteem and confidence.

6. Don’t look to others to affirm your success. Don’t look to other people to rate and judge your work. Set your own personal goals, and note the progress you have made.

7. Fake it till you make it. Almost every individual who succeeds in life has a time when they’re acting, as they don’t feel confident. It means that they’re still learning, and are not afraid to try.

How to Break free of Addiction to Approval

1. Recognise that other people do not determine your worth and value. It’s your life not there’s. They are responsible to themselves for their life; and you are responsible to yourself for your life. Don’t give up your “self” to please someone else.

2. Also, people change, have different values and outlooks and want different things for, and from, us. It’s simply impossible to please everyone all of the time, or even most of the time.

3. Recognise that spending our lives trying to make others happiness is a recipe for failure and low self-esteem. It’s a pointless way to spend your life. It will stop you being happy and true to yourself.

4. Be kind to yourself. Understand that we all have weaknesses, and things that we regret saying and doing.

5. Also, we’re all on our journey – and the journey is harder and more challenging for some than others. Perhaps you are dealing with obstacles that other people have not had to face.

6. Develop your self esteem from within. Decide on the type of person YOU want to be, and work on being true to that.

7. Think about what really matters to you, and the different goals you’d like to achieve – then set these as a priority. That is, decide what YOU want to do instead of worrying about what others would like you to do.

8. Develop a plan for the direction of your life. Focus your thinking, energy, choices and decisions around living a life that is meaningful to you. At the end of each day, check to ensure you’ve done something that is taking you in that direction.

9. Work on developing your self-reliance – so that although it is nice to have help and support from others, you’re not dependent upon it (or them). Also, being able to think, act and choose for yourself will greatly increase your self-confidence.

10. Work on accepting, valuing and loving yourself. Appreciate the good things about YOU. Notice your successes, and any moves towards living out your goals, and becoming the real you.

11. Choose to live in the moment. Decide not to keep going over the past, or worrying too much about what lies ahead. Notice and relish what is good about “right now”.

12. Choose joy. Allowing yourself to experience joy is freeing, motivating, energising. It keeps your focus on the positives in life.

8 Things to Give Up

1. Self rejection

2. Negative self-talk

3. Criticising others

4. Being a people pleaser

5.Fear of failure

6. Procrastination

7. Holding onto grudges

8. Expecting perfection

How to be More Thick-Skinned

1. Don’t take criticism personally. Instead, realize that criticism says more about them than it does about you.

2. Distinguish between facts and subjectivity. Most criticisms are just personal opinions. They are not objective and they don’t reflect the truth.

3. Look at the beliefs you hold about yourself. Do you feel defensive and under attack because you don’t believe in yourself?

4. Learn what you can from any comments that are made – and discard the rest as being useless information.

5. Decide not to ruminate on barbs or criticisms – as that will reinforce the faulty message in your brain.

6. Choose to spend more time with people who’re affirming – and minimise the time you spend with those who put you down.

7. Look for a role model who can handle criticism – and try to copy them, so you become more thick skinned, too.

Thought for the Day

“Start over my darling. Be brave enough to find the life you want and courageous enough to chase it. Then start over and love yourself the way you were always meant to.” – Madalyn Beck

Love you.

Be you.

It’s the only way to true happiness.

And you deserve to be happy.

Developing a Positive Mental Attitude

1. Remind yourself that you are not your feelings.

2. Don’t sweat the small stuff; choose to focus on what matters. Ignore or overlook the petty slights and grievances.

3. Feel the power as you learn to take control of your reactions. You’re not just a puppet where someone pulls your strings.

4. Don’t agree with other peoples’ opinions of your value, or the way they rate your actions, your motives or achievements. Don’t let them be your judge, or the one who sets your worth.

5. Don’t compare yourself to others as we’re different and unique. Set yourself some person goals then celebrate when you succeed.

6. Accept that life’s a journey, and we grow and change with time. We don’t start off being perfect – so expect to get things wrong.

7. Love yourself completely. See your value and worth.

How to Accept Yourself

 

1. Focus on your positive qualities. It’s true that we can all improve in some ways – but start by finding your good qualities – and recognise that these are a major part of who you are.

2. Be aware of, and fight against, your negative self-talk. Negative self talk can quickly snowball and become an angry tirade against yourself – so you become your own worst critic and your own worst enemy. Instead, choose to respect yourself, to love, affirm and believe in yourself.

3. Don’t dwell on things you know you cannot change. We all have imperfections, weaknesses and flaws. They’re really not that crucial, and they’re not that big a deal. Try to keep them in perspective – and change what you CAN change.

4. Make your own decisions – don’t always look to others, and think that they know better … But choose to trust yourself, and your own decision-making.

5. Always try to do your best – as that’s all that is required. You’re a normal human being who’ll sometimes get it wrong. When you do, forgive youself, and then just move on with your life.

What Your Favourite Colour Says About You

Just a bit of harmless fun …

Here’s what your favourite colour may (or may not) say about you:

1. White: This indicates a desire for simplicity, perfection and purity.

2. Red: This person is usually outgoing and lives life to the full. They are optimistic, hate monotony, and are driven and ambitious. They may also be impulsive or aggressive.

3. Maroon: This is often the favourite colour of someone who has had to cope with hard experiences in life. They are mature, generous and well-disciplined.

4. Pink: This indicates a desire for love, affection and security. It is a fragile, gentle and delicate colour that is linked to feelings of protection and care.

5. Orange: This is the colour of the flamboyant, fun-loving, sociable person. They are usually good-natured, popular, curious, fearless and dramatic. However, they may be fickle and restless, too.

6. Yellow: This color is associated with happiness, wisdom, a desire for novelty, a sense of adventure and a rich imagination. It is usually linked to a good sense of humour and a rational mind.

7. Green: Green symbolizes balance, hope, sincerity and peace. Green people are generally concerned about the wellbeing of others, are patient, modest, self-effacing – but can sometimes be exploited and used by others.

8. Blue: Blue is associated with compassion, caring, patience, perseverance, conscientiousness, self control and a sense of duty. These individuals are dedicated and reliable people – but also worry about how things will go.

9. Turquoise: These are more complex characters. They are creative and imaginative, and drive themselves hard to achieve their goals. Although they appear to be calm and controlled, inside they may feel tormented or perplexed.

10. Lavender: These people are usually impeccably dressed, are refined with a sense of class and culture. They have high ideals, are creative, charming, witty, classy and sophisticated. Typically, they are committed to causes that are noble and great.

11. Purple: Purple people are usually artistic, highly individual, unique and sensitive. They are independent thinkers, who are unconventional, and are likely to achieve positions of power.

12. Brown: Browns are known for their stamina and patience, for being conscientious, dependable and stable. They are rarely impulsive – but can be inflexible.

13. Grey: This is associated with caution, compromise, stability, hard work and good business sense. Greys are usually introverted and suppress how they feel.

14. Black: Blacks are dignified, mysterious, have hidden depths – and reveal very little of themselves, their beliefs, their hopes, desires and personality.

 

How to Get Over Past Mistakes

1. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, does things wrongs, and has moments of regret. There are no perfect people out there. In that sense, you are just the same as everybody else.

2. Remind yourself that “that was then, and this is now”. You can’t turn back the clocks and change what you did, but you can be a different person in the future.

3. Allow yourself to experience and name the feelings you are struggling with (regret, guilt, shame, disappointment, embarrassment, sadness, etc.) – then make the decision to let those feelings go. In the end, it’s unhealthy to become attached to them.

4. Ask yourself what you can learn from the situation. What would you do differently if you found yourself in that situation again? How can it change the person you are now (so that you feel better about yourself)?

5. Recognise that failings and mistakes are part of the growth process. It’s inevitable that you’ll encounter obstacles, challenges and failures throughout life. Don’t let that stop you from embracing life.

6. Remind yourself that “it was what you did, it’s not who you are.” Don’t allow any single event or experience to define you. You are more than what you did – so don’t allow part of your past to now become your identity. Don’t let it determine your destiny.

7. Give yourself the gift of a new start. Forgive yourself, decide to start again, and move on with your life with a fresh confidence.

7 Daily Reminders

We live in our culture that assigns us our worth. It measures and it judges in a superficial way. And it fails to see our struggles, the efforts we have made, the battles that we fight, and the demons that we face.

Thus, we must remind ourselves that  society is wrong, and disregard its message, and value who we are.

So at the start of this new week choose to be your own best friend, to be compassionate, and to focus on your strengths.