In a previous post we talked about some of the statements and comments that can be destructive to the healing process. Below, we talk about some things that can help when you want to support a traumatized friend. 1. When the person starts to talk about the traumatic experience, be aware of the fact that […]How to be There for a Traumatized Friend — Don’t Lose Hope
“No matter how many people surround you, depression is a lonely, solitary place filled with funhouse mirrors. Your world is twisted and distorted, pain reflected back from every direction.” – Unknown There are times when life feels unbearable, and it’s hard to find the will to go on. The door has slammed shut, and the […]Strategies for When you can’t Face the Day — Don’t Lose Hope
1. Know yourself – what you want, and do not want.
2. Have good boundaries – know what it is healthy, and what crosses that line.
3. Know your value, and require respect.
4. Get out there and meet a wide range of people.
5. Give people a reasonable chance.
6. Don’t put people into a box; be open to being surprised.
7. Be persistent in your search for true love.
“And if today, all you did was hold yourself together, I am proud of you.” – Unknown
1. Self rejection
2. Negative self-talk
3. Criticising others
4. Being a people pleaser
5.Fear of failure
7. Holding onto grudges
8. Expecting perfection
“A great future doesn’t require a great past.”
To get over past mistakes:
1. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, does things wrongs, and has moments of regret. There are no perfect people out there. In that sense, you are just the same as everybody else.
2. Remind yourself that “that was then, and this is now”. You can’t turn back the clocks and change what you did, but you can be a different person in the future.
3. Allow yourself to experience and name the feelings you are struggling with (regret, guilt, shame, disappointment, embarrassment, sadness, etc.) – then make the decision to let those feelings go. In the end, it’s unhealthy to become attached to them.
4. Ask yourself what you can learn from the situation. What would you do differently if you found yourself in that situation again? How can it change the person you are now (so that you feel better about yourself)?
5. Recognise that failings and mistakes are part of the growth process. It’s inevitable that you’ll encounter obstacles, challenges and failures throughout life. Don’t let that stop you from embracing life.
6. Remind yourself that “it was what you did, it’s not who you are.” Don’t allow any single event or experience to define you. You are more than what you did – so don’t allow part of your past to now become your identity. Don’t let it determine your destiny.
7. Give yourself the gift of a new start. Forgive yourself, decide to start again, and move on with your life with a fresh confidence.
1. First, and most important, see yourself as a valuable, likeable and worthwhile person – someone who is worth knowing and loving.
2. Recognise that your thoughts, ideas, views and beliefs are as important as anybody else’s. You are your own person. You are not just a clone of somebody else. What you think is worth hearing – and you don’t have to apologise or change your views in order to please, or be acceptable to, others.
3. Stay away from people who are trying to change you, or who want you to think and act as they do. Don’t allow yourself and your personality to be swamped or dominated by others.
4. Surround with people who encourage you to be yourself, and who bring out the best in you.
5. Resist the urge to emulate or copy people you admire. At the end of the day each of us is unique. The world is a richer place by you expressing who you are in your own way.
6. Don’t compare yourself with others. We each have different experiences, and are evolving in our own way, at our own pace. There’s no one formula or recipe for becoming or being. Trust your intuition, and follow your own path.
1. The few things that aren’t going right. – When things go wrong, take a moment to be thankful for all the other things that are still going right. And if you’re struggling to be thankful for what you have, be thankful for what you have escaped. Sometimes the best gifts in life are the troubles you don’t have.
2. Trying to label everyone and everything. – Sometimes you’ve just got to take people and situations for what they are, appreciate them, and not try to label them or change them.
3. Worrying about what everyone else thinks. – The minute you stop overwhelming your mind with caring about what everyone else thinks, and start doing what you feel in your heart is right, is the minute you will finally feel freedom.
4. Wasting time on the wrong people. – You cannot make someone respect you; all you can do is be someone who can be respected. No matter how much you care some people just won’t care back. At some point you have to realize the truth – that they no longer care or never did, and that maybe you’re wasting your time and missing out on someone else who does.
5. Old wounds and grudges. – You will never find peace until you learn to finally let go of the hatred and hurt that lives in your heart. In order to move on, you must know why you felt the way you did, and why you no longer need to feel that way. It’s about accepting the past, letting it be, and pushing your spirit forward with good intentions.
6. Superficial judgments. –Every human being is beautiful; it just takes the right set of eyes to see it.
7. Letting small disagreements snowball out of control. – Don’t let a single poisonous moment of misunderstanding make you forget about the countless lovable moments you’ve spent together.
8. Showing a lack of self-respect. – Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself. Choose to be your own best friend.
Source: http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/12/14/9-things-you-need-to-chill-out-about/ (Abridged)
1. Don’t take yourself too seriously. choose to laugh at your mistakes.
2. Life is too short to waste it on resentments, bitterness or grudges. Don’t let them take up space in your head.
3. You don’t have to win every argument and fight. Sometimes it’s OK to just agree to disagree.
4. Make peace with your past – then let it go, and move on.
5. Choose to go after what brings you happiness.
6. Don’t compare yourself to others.
7. It doesn’t really matter what others think about you. Just live your own life and be true to who you are.
8. Life isn’t always fair – but sometimes good things happen, too.
9. Ignore difficult feelings, and keep taking the next step.
10. Ask for what you want.
11. Don’t suffer in silence. Reach out for support.
12. Everything changes.
13. Be willing to experiment and try something new.
14. The most important thing is to love and be loved.
15. Believe that the best is yet to come.
“Your absence has gone through me Like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its colour.” – W. S. Merwin This beautiful, brief poem captures perfectly how a major loss affects the whole of life. Everything we do, and every place we go, triggers thoughts and feelings of ‘how things used to […]The Pain of Separation and Loss — Don’t Lose Hope