How to Become a Better Problem Solver

The following can help your to become a better problem solver:

1. Set aside time to think. Google gives its engineer a thinking day each week. This has been shown to increases their creativity – and also their productivity.

2. Play games. Research indicates that playing competitive games encourages us to come up with creative strategies and solutions. This can be applied to all areas of life.

3. Learn from your mistakes. Sometimes inspiration and genius comes from connecting the dots between your mistakes.

4. Ditch the rules. Often thinking outside the box – and abandoning the normal practices and rules – will free your mind to think of a completely new solution.

5. Give yourself permission to fail. If you’re too scared of failing then you’ll never take a risk. Also, we need to go down some blind alleys on our journey to success.

6.  Break with the routine. Change the order that you do things, your environment, or room. That breaks the “same old” thinking patterns, and gives rise to new ideas.

7. Talk to others. We can learn a lot from others as we’re all individuals – with different outlooks, thoughts, perspectives, dreams and life experiences.  

Do you Suffer from Imposter Syndrome

Impostor syndrome is a psychological condition where people are unable to believe in their successes. Thus, despite the evidence that points to the fact that they are skilled, capable and competent they write this off as temporary – or timing and good luck. Thus, they constantly struggle with feeling like a fraud.

So what are some ways that you can counteract this syndrome?

1. Admit this is something that you suffer from. When we know we’re not alone, and our symptoms have a name it can help disperse the feelings of anxiety and shame.

2. Distinguish between facts and feelings. Everyone feels stupid and inept at times. That doesn’t mean we’re stupid. Our feelings aren’t facts.

3. Don’t demand perfection. It is good to set goals and have high standards for yourself. However, it’s unhealthy to obsess over every little thing. You’ll simply waste a lot of time and never feel quite satisfied.

4. Take a look at the rules you have imposed upon yourself. Are you saying to yourself: “I have to always get it right”; or ”I should never ask for help”; or “It is bad to make mistakes”? These are misguided rules that undermine your self-esteem. They set you up for failure as they close the door to help.

5. Change the tapes in your head. Instead of constantly repeating faulty self-destructive thoughts (such as “Wait till they discover just how useless I am”) replace it with a thought that builds esteem and confidence.

6. Don’t look to others to affirm your success. Don’t look to other people to rate and judge your work. Set your own personal goals, and note the progress you have made.

7. Fake it till you make it. Almost every individual who succeeds in life has a time when they’re acting, as they don’t feel confident. It means that they’re still learning, and are not afraid to try.

Questions for Knowing Yourself Better

1. If you could change one aspect of your life or personality, what would it be?

2. Are you ‘your own person’ or are you defined, and pushed around, by others?

3. Is there any area of your life where you feel out of control?

4. Do you feel more comfortable in an organised or chaotic environment?

5. How comfortable are you with spontaneous ideas, or a last minute change in plans?

6. Do you feel renewed by being around others, or is it crucial for you to have time on your own?

7. Are you motivated, or undermined, by competition?

8. Do you work well under pressure, or do you tend to fall apart?

9. Are you better at praising and complimenting others, or at consciously affirming and building yourself up?

10. Are you a morning or an evening person?

11. Do you persevere, or do you give up easily?

12. Do you like to go with the flow, or take control of your own life?

13. Are you more of a thinker or a feeler?

14. What are your passions and goals?

15. What would your perfect day look like?

How to be More Honest in Relationships

Being real in relationships can be difficult at times. Here are some tips to help you with this:

1. Notice the other person’s moods, and choose a time when they seem to be more comfortable and relaxed.

2. Pay attention to timing. Choose a time when they are unrushed, aren’t under pressure, or following a tight schedule.

3. Remind yourself that your views, opinions, wishes, rights and feelings are important.

4. Expect there to be some pauses, or for things NOT to go exactly as you hope. That’s just normal in all relationships. It doesn’t necessarily indicate that there’s a problem.

5. Listen to your heart. Follow your intuition. Don’t only listen to the spoken words. Listen and respond to the energy and emotions behind the words.

6. Don’t jump to conclusions or let negative assumptions stop you from hearing what the other has to say. Don’t twist their words or their intentions in some way.

7. Speak your truth calmly and respectfully – and remember that you matter and deserve to have a voice.

10 Relationship Killers

“A person’s actions will tell you everything you need to know. Pay attention.”

10 relationship killers include:

1. Breaking trust

2. Lack of respect

3. Jealousy

4. Angry outburst/ high volatility

5. Making assumptions

6. Unreasonable expectations

7. Bitterness

8. Unforgiveness

9. Being cold and uncaring

10. Failing to prioritize your partner.

Self-Awareness Questions

Self -awareness is having an accurate picture of how you tend to think, feel, act and react. It’s knowing what your strengths and weaknesses are, and knowing exactly what you want from your life. Also, it’s assessing how well you relate and interact with people you encounter in your daily life. This is crucial if you want to succeed.

The questions below can help to deepen your self-understanding and self-awareness.

1. Would you rate yourself as happy or unhappy? What has the greatest impact on your happiness?

2. Are there any areas of your life where you feel you are out of control?

3. Do you prefer a tidy, organised environment or a chaotic, disorganised environment?

4.  Are you more attracted to something if you know it is forbidden?

5. Are you motivated, or demotivated, by competition?

6. Are you a leader or a follower?

7. Do you find it easier to do things for others than to do things or yourself?

8. Do you have clear boundaries or do people walk all over you?

9. Are you a morning or a night person?

10. Does being around people energise you or wear you out?

11. Do you prefer to be in the spotlight or the background?

12. If you could change one thing in your life, what would that one thing be?

Breaking Free from Unhealthy, False Beliefs — Don’t Lose Hope

“Finding yourself is really the process of returning to yourself. It’s a process of unlearning, an excavation, the process of remembering who you really were before this world got its hands on you.”   The following four steps for breaking free from unhealthy, self-destructive beliefs was first suggested by Jeffrey M. Schwatrz, in his book […]

Breaking Free from Unhealthy, False Beliefs — Don’t Lose Hope

How to Develop a Growth Mindset

To develop a growth mindset …

1. Frame challenges as opportunities.

2. Look for the good in every situation.

3. Seek feedback from people you respect.

4. Don’t equate the need to improve with failure.

5. Develop grit; keep working for your goals.

6. Reward perseverance, commitment and hard work.

7. Don’t compare yourself to others; be proud of who you are.

8. Remember we all have the ability to change.

How to Cope with Tough Experiences — Don’t Lose Hope

“Still, I rise.” – Maya Angelou All of us deal with tough experiences in life. Times when we feel lost and completely overwhelmed. Times when we “just feel”, and we don’t know where to turn. Below are some suggestions to help cope with these. 1. Write about it: Have you ever typed out an angry […]

How to Cope with Tough Experiences — Don’t Lose Hope

Straightening out Some Relationship Myths — Don’t Lose Hope

Relationship myths including the following: 1. It take two to tango; both partners share responsibility when there’s a broken relationship. Not true. Often it’s the case that one of partners has more serious issues than the other partner, or brings more baggage to the relationship. For example, they may not be able to securely attach, […]

Straightening out Some Relationship Myths — Don’t Lose Hope