“A person’s actions will tell you everything you need to know. Pay attention.”
10 relationship killers include:
1. Breaking trust
2. Lack of respect
3. Jealousy
4. Angry outburst/ high volatility
5. Making assumptions
6. Unreasonable expectations
7. Bitterness
8. Unforgiveness
9. Being cold and uncaring
10. Failing to prioritize your partner.
Some tips for dealing with a breakup include:
1. Cry as much as you want to and need to. Don’t try to repress or to bury the feelings.
2. Listen to breakup music as research shows it is therapeutic and helps you to recover. Also, it lowers your heart rate, reduces pain and helps to relieve any feelings of stress.
3. Allow yourself to feel completely numb for a while. It’s going to happen – so go with the flow. Also, don’t be afraid to be real with your friends and tell them “I feel empty and dead inside”. Know in time that will change; it’s a temporary thing.
4. Talk about it with your friends – they will help to bolster you. You need all the people and support you can muster. Also, it’s likely that the break up will dominate your thinking so keep on talking till you start to feel you’re freer.
5. Set a limit for your grief. That doesn’t mean you have to feel better by then – but eventually you’ll want to think about your future life again. You have your whole life to live so don’t get stuck in the pain.
6. Review the relationship and why it ended. Were the reasons cited by your partner really fair? Was he or she just blaming you, or running away? Were you truly happy? Was it really a good match?
7. If you think it’s worth it, then try and reconcile. But only do that once as it usually doesn’t work … and you’re simply dragging out the disappointment and the pain.
8. Stop sitting and waiting for the phone to ring. Try and fill your life with other people and new things.
9. Don’t stalk your ex on tumblr or facebook. Block them if you need to … but get them out your mind.
10. Reminisce about the bad times – and be glad that they are gone. It’s time to build a future that’s much better than that.
11. Go outside and get some exercise. Research clearly indicates that exercise can change how you feel, and help you put life in perspective. It’s worth the extra effort as you’ll reap the benefits.
12. Be nice to yourself – you need to give yourself a break. Just because some other person has dropped you from their life, it doesn’t mean you’re worthless or you’ll never find true love. Appreciate your strengths, and really love who you are, and think about the fun times you have had with others friends. You deserve to be happy and loved for who you are.
It can be relatively easy to fall in love … but building a healthy relationship requires attention and a lot of hard work.
And we may not be aware of how the following can affect and may, eventually, destroy a good relationship:
1. Breaking trust – Trust is the foundation of relationships. Once it is destroyed it is hard to rebuild.
2. Lack of respect – We all deserve respect; and when it’s lost it undermines even the strongest of relationships.
3. Jealousy – Is it reasonable? Or, maybe you have betrayed, rejected or abandoned in a past relationship? This might be an area where healing is required.
4. Angry outburst/ high volatility – We’re all responsible for the way we express our emotions. Emotions in themselves are neither good nor bad. However, being highly reactive often strains relationships.
5. Making assumptions – We don’t know what goes on inside another person’s head. Ask for information; don’t assume you’ve read their mind.
6. Unreasonable expectations – What feels quite reasonable to us can feel unreasonable to others. Discuss your expectations, and be willing to adapt.
7. Bitterness – Eventually, this poisons and destroys relationships.
8. Unforgiveness – We need to talk about the hurt our partner may have caused, and work through any areas where we have grievances. Otherwise, unforgiveness will turn to bitterness.
9. Being cold and uncaring – We all want to feel loved, wanted, cared for, understood, as if our feelings matter, and we’re not alone in life. Being detached and unconcerned communicates that we don’t care.
10. Failing to prioritize your partner – If we feel we’re not important we won’t want to be with you. You can’t take love for granted. You must demonstrate you care.
Coaching Skills International 