“Everyone says forgiveness is a good idea until they have something to forgive.” – C.S. Lewis Forgiveness is a difficult, and somewhat touchy, topic. It’s something we are told that we ought to offer others. But ask anyone, and you’re likely to hear that forgiveness is a struggle if you’ve been hurt and betrayed. And […]
Why is it so hard to forgive? — Don’t Lose Hope
“Trust takes years to build. Seconds to break. And forever to repair.” Below are some facts on deception and truth which help us to see why betrayal and lies are so destructive to relationships. 1. Trust is at the heart of our relationships, and especially our intimate relationships. We need to know this person can […]
The Truth about Deception — Don’t Lose Hope
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross You don’t ever forget that your partner was unfaithful. You don’t ever forget that you lost a precious child. […]
There are Things You’ll Never Forget — Don’t Lose Hope
“Trust starts with truth, and ends with truth.” 1. If you lie and choose to break your partner’s trust, he or she may never fully trust you again. The damage will depend on how major the lie is … But often the effects will be serious and long-lasting … For how can you determine if […]
Some Thoughts on Broken Trust — Don’t Lose Hope
Whether it’s a friend, or your partner or spouse, it’s horrible to feel that they don’t value you. It can really undermine your self-esteem. But so often we push down all the signs that are there – because it’s very painful to be treated in this way. We don’t want to face the truth that […]
7 Signs That Tell You They Don’t Value You — Don’t Lose Hope
To support someone who’s experienced trauma … 1. You don’t need to have any answers. 2. You don’t need to have gone through the same thing yourself. 3. You need to be able to listen. Really listen. Through the deep concern expressed in your eyes. 4. Silence is good. Often words don’t help. What really […]
Supporting Someone Who’s Experienced Trauma — Don’t Lose Hope
1. Share your story with someone. Often it helps to put the sadness into words.
2. Try to detach and unplug for a while.
3. Respect your need for space, and a period of low stress.
4. Allow yourself to feel all the negative feelings.
5. Take care of your body and your physical needs.
6. Treat yourself with kindness.
7. Invest in good self care.
It can be relatively easy to fall in love … but building a healthy relationship requires attention and a lot of hard work.
And we may not be aware of how the following can affect and may, eventually, destroy a good relationship:
1. Breaking trust – Trust is the foundation of relationships. Once it is destroyed it is hard to rebuild.
2. Lack of respect – We all deserve respect; and when it’s lost it undermines even the strongest of relationships.
3. Jealousy – Is it reasonable? Or, maybe you have betrayed, rejected or abandoned in a past relationship? This might be an area where healing is required.
4. Angry outburst/ high volatility – We’re all responsible for the way we express our emotions. Emotions in themselves are neither good nor bad. However, being highly reactive often strains relationships.
5. Making assumptions – We don’t know what goes on inside another person’s head. Ask for information; don’t assume you’ve read their mind.
6. Unreasonable expectations – What feels quite reasonable to us can feel unreasonable to others. Discuss your expectations, and be willing to adapt.
7. Bitterness – Eventually, this poisons and destroys relationships.
8. Unforgiveness – We need to talk about the hurt our partner may have caused, and work through any areas where we have grievances. Otherwise, unforgiveness will turn to bitterness.
9. Being cold and uncaring – We all want to feel loved, wanted, cared for, understood, as if our feelings matter, and we’re not alone in life. Being detached and unconcerned communicates that we don’t care.
10. Failing to prioritize your partner – If we feel we’re not important we won’t want to be with you. You can’t take love for granted. You must demonstrate you care.
Coaching Skills International 