Do you Suffer from Imposter Syndrome

Impostor syndrome is a psychological condition where people are unable to believe in their successes. Thus, despite the evidence that points to the fact that they are skilled, capable and competent they write this off as temporary – or timing and good luck. Thus, they constantly struggle with feeling like a fraud.

So what are some ways that you can counteract this syndrome?

1. Admit this is something that you suffer from. When we know we’re not alone, and our symptoms have a name it can help disperse the feelings of anxiety and shame.

2. Distinguish between facts and feelings. Everyone feels stupid and inept at times. That doesn’t mean we’re stupid. Our feelings aren’t facts.

3. Don’t demand perfection. It is good to set goals and have high standards for yourself. However, it’s unhealthy to obsess over every little thing. You’ll simply waste a lot of time and never feel quite satisfied.

4. Take a look at the rules you have imposed upon yourself. Are you saying to yourself: “I have to always get it right”; or ”I should never ask for help”; or “It is bad to make mistakes”? These are misguided rules that undermine your self-esteem. They set you up for failure as they close the door to help.

5. Change the tapes in your head. Instead of constantly repeating faulty self-destructive thoughts (such as “Wait till they discover just how useless I am”) replace it with a thought that builds esteem and confidence.

6. Don’t look to others to affirm your success. Don’t look to other people to rate and judge your work. Set your own personal goals, and note the progress you have made.

7. Fake it till you make it. Almost every individual who succeeds in life has a time when they’re acting, as they don’t feel confident. It means that they’re still learning, and are not afraid to try.

Quote of the Day — Don’t Lose Hope

“Do beautiful things.” Because it’s who you are. Because it reflects your heart. Because – no matter what happens in life – you’ve decided to be true to yourself.

Quote of the Day — Don’t Lose Hope

How to Make People Feel Special

1. Treat everyone equally – as if each person is important to you. If you are part of a group of friends, no individual should feel less liked, valued or wanted than anyone else. Show respect for each person’s opinions and ideas. Don’t think of anyone as unpopular.

2. Be interested in others, and what matters to them (even if their interests seem boring to you). Being listened to affirms that you’re a valuable person; and often we’re just looking for a listening ear.

3. Be friendly, warm, outgoing and talk to everyone. It’s easy to ignore or overlook those who are shy, or those who feel awkward and don’t know what to say.

4. Be kind to everyone. At times this can be hard as people can be difficult or unkind to you. But it says more about them than it does about you.

5. Use people’s names when you’re talking to them. It conveys that they are ‘someone’, and builds a stronger bond.

6. Compliment people. Try to notice something good in everyone you meet. But make sure you’re sincere when you give a compliment.

7. Share the joke with everyone. Don’t make inside jokes. It’s exclusive and unkind. Everyone should feel they are part of the group.

8. Do your best to have fun, and have a laugh with everyone. That helps to reduce tension and to break the barriers down.

Why we Can’t Just Forget the Past — Don’t Lose Hope

“I did not ask for the things I’ve been through, and I certainly didn’t ask my mind to paint and repaint the memories in the form of flashbacks.” The majority of people who are living with trauma wish they could simply forget the past. But the fact is we can’t just wipe the slate clean, […]

Why we Can’t Just Forget the Past — Don’t Lose Hope

How to Accept Yourself

1. Focus on your positive qualities. It’s true that we can all improve in some ways – but start by finding your good qualities – and recognise that these are a major part of who you are.

2. Be aware of, and fight against, your negative self-talk. Negative self talk can quickly snowball and become an angry tirade against yourself – so you become your own worst critic and your own worst enemy. Instead, choose to respect yourself, to love, affirm and believe in yourself.

3. Don’t dwell on things you know you cannot change. We all have imperfections, weaknesses and flaws. They’re really not that crucial, and they’re not that big a deal. Try to keep them in perspective – and change what you CAN change.

4. Make your own decisions – don’t always look to others, and think that they know better … But choose to trust yourself.

5. Always try to do your best – as that’s all that is required. You’re a normal human being who’ll sometimes get it wrong. Get up, forgive youself, then just choose to move on.

Quote of the Day — Don’t Lose Hope

“You have no idea how easy it is to fall back into the darkness.” – Unknown Triggers and feelings can be powerful and intense. They immediately transport us to a dark and painful place. With no effort on our part, we are back in the abyss. And it’s so utterly exhausting to keep battling the […]

Quote of the Day — Don’t Lose Hope

7 Ways to be More Productive with Less Effort

1. Sort out your priorities. Make time to honestly reflect on your life, and to think about what is important to you. Where are you going? What do you want? What are the steps that will take you there?

2. Focus on the essential tasks. Next, think about your short term responsibilities. Ask yourself: “Out of all the tasks that I have to do, which will get me the greatest return for my time and effort?” Make a list of these types of tasks — they’re your most important things to do this week.

3. Eliminate what you can. Now look at your list. What on the list is not essential? Is there anything there that you can drop from your schedule, delegate to someone else, or put on a “waiting list”. Often when we review these non-essentials later, we find they weren’t necessary at all.

4. Do essential tasks first. Begin each day by doing the two most important tasks. Don’t wait until later in the day as they’ll get pushed aside to make time for other stuff that arises throughout the day. You’ll find that if you do these tasks right away, your productivity will really increase.

5. Eliminate distractions. If you allow yourself to be constantly interrupted by email notifications, IM, cell phones, social media and so on, then you’ll never be productive. Turn them and, if you can, disconnect yourself from the internet.

6. Keep it simple. Don’t waste time on applications that are meant to organise your schedule. Make a simple to-do list with a word document, or with some paper and a pen. Then get started on whatever work you had planned on doing.

7. Do one thing at a time. In most situations, multi-tasking slows you down. You can’t get things done with a million things demanding your attention. Focus on what’s in front of you, to the exclusion of all else. That way, you are likely to achieve more, in less time, and with less effort.

Hope in the Midst of Despair — Don’t Lose Hope

“There comes a point when it all becomes too much. When we get too tired to fight anymore, so we give up. That’s when the real work begins. To find hope when there seems to be absolutely none at all.” – Grey’s Anatomy One day it will be different. One day you will be able […]

Hope in the Midst of Despair — Don’t Lose Hope

10 Things that can Wreck your Life

The following can wreck your life:

1. Not living in the moment. Always wishing you were somewhere else, doing something different with other people.

2. Blaming your problems on your past. Although the past affects us, it need not define us. We can choose, decide and act – and take control of our lives. Don’t let what happened affect who you become.

3. Running away from problems. It’s pointless to act as if everything is fine when you’re dealing with something that requires your attention. Face reality, take action, and work to turn things round.

4. Being ungrateful. Being grateful sets you free. It inspires all that’s good. Ingratitude destroys you, and will drain your energy.

5. Being angry and bitter. Refusing to forgive, and bearing grudges against others, will slowly start to poison your personality. It’s better to release them, and feel that you are free.

6. Letting your expectations rule your life. Life rarely goes smoothly and according to our plan. And people disappoint us, and hurt, and let us down. Accepting this is normal takes some tension out of life.

7. Disrespecting yourself and others. Each of us is valuable, and is worthy of respect. Also, everyone is fighting their own private battle. So focus on being kind, understanding and forgiving.

8. Neglecting important relationships. A relationship that’s grounded on unconditional love – where we know that we’re accepted, and loved for who we are – is wonderful and precious, and worth investing in.

9. Loving people who are bad for us. Not everyone is good, and wants to build into your life. Be aware of those who who’ll use you, or who want to bring you down. Or, those who want to hurt you, and destroy your confidence.

10. Never taking risks. If you always play it safe, then you’ll end up going nowhere. You need to take some risks, and embrace the chance you’re given. If not, you may regret it, and miss out on a great life.

She Let It All Go — Don’t Lose Hope

One day. Just like that! She let go of the struggle. She let go of the stress. She let go of the self-attacking voices in her head. She let go of the need to have it all figured out. She let go of the fear of what could happen up ahead. She let go of […]

She Let It All Go — Don’t Lose Hope